A Humorous Short Random Story

Every day, Mike Hawk rolls out of the left side of his queen sized bed and tiredly shuffles to his dresser to turn off his alarm clock. His wife won't get up for another 2 hours, so Mike throws on his Carhartt overalls and plaid shirt then heads downstairs for breakfast. Mike was never allowed sweets and rarely received milk as a child so his breakfast consists of: unfrosted cornflakes with no milk, for energy and muscle building he drinks a glass of createne and water, and a Viagra because it in some way gives him motivation to go about his day. After breakfast Mike gets the mail and tends to his donkey that is named Michael. Michael is Mike's only animal and his one true friend. Mike wakes up his wife Sharrol who enjoys nagging at him every chance she gets and she is notorious for doing absolutely nothing all day. The rest of the afternoon consists of yard work, daydreaming about a better life, and going to the store to get dinner. After dinner Mike says goodnight to his donkey and climbs into bed with his nagging, worthless wife.

It was one of those nights that Mike had an extraordinary dream. As he slept, he imagined him and his best friend donkey just leaving their lives and starting an incredible adventure. They had no problems or worries and enjoyed the best time of their lives. Along their way, Mike and Michael would attend a donkey show, where Michael would go through a series of challenges and tests. The winners of the show would receive money and that would be how they made their living. At the end of the dream, Mike and his companion opened up a beach bar in Mexico became wealthy and lived the rest of their lives happily forever. A distant bell sturred Mike from his deep slumber. It was his alarm clock telling Mike that another routine was to begin.

Mike crawled miserably out of bed and reset his alarm clock. He got dressed then drug himself into the kitchen for a promising breakfast. After pumping himself full of createne and popping his Viagra, Mike got the mail and brought Michael out some carrots, hay and grain. While munching down his breakfast Michael listened as Mike rambled about a better life, and the exciting adventure that he dreamt about. Michael knew that Mike's main problem in life was his wife, but for some reason, Mike decided to put up with his wife's constant nagging and complaining.

A short time after Mike entered his house, screaming could be heard by Michael who cringed at the sound of Sharrol's high, piercing voice. Sharrol was explaining to Mike that he was worthless and a pathetic husband. Mike didn't let his wife's anger get to him until she told Mike that she was going to sell his donkey, and use that money to go shopping. Mike lost it. He stormed into the room and began hurling clothes into an old grungy gym bag.

"Where in cold hell do you think you are going?" Snapped Sharrol.

"I can't put up with you anymore Sharrol, so I'm leaving you and taking my donkey with me!"

"You can't leave me, Mike Hawk, I'll report you to the sheriff!" She screamed with only a red face for Mike to look at.

Tell you what, you do that!" Replied Mike. "And while you're at it, tell him I think he is a fat, worthless pig!" This being said, Mike galloped down the stairs and hurried over to where Michael was grazing. "Come on my little jackass friend, we are going on a permanent vacation!" Michael sensed Mike's excitement and waited patiently as his friend straddled him up. Both of them took one last look at their past and were prepared to charge into the future.

At that moment Sharrol appeared on the front porch, waiting oh so unpatiently with a shotgun, screaming at the top of her lungs, "get back here Mike, come back here to me, or I will pump your guts so full with lead, that you will be more poisonous than a pencil from the Ð''40's!" In Mike's determination, he ignored this demented request, flipped her the bird and in no time at all he was exiting his abandoned drive way. Not so much as a shot was fired. Mike was on his way to a new life, but he needed supplies. He decided to stock up at the town grocery store. As Mike left the store, he took time to read the bulletin board, and a bright yellow flyer with dark red writing caught his eye.

County Donkey Show

Bring Your Jackass For The Whole World To Appreciate

5-dollar admission and registration

Grand prize is 5,000

1st place is 3,000

2nd place is 2,000

3rd place wins 1,000

The day was Tuesday, and Beatingsonville was just over 100 miles away. If him and Michael hurried they could make the show on time. Mike stuffed the flyer into his pocket then ran to tell Michael the good news. Michael was ecstatic, or that's usually what it means when he half looks at you and switches his tail from side to side. For the next three days, the two good friends rode on, only stopping to sleep and eat. In no time, they arrived in Beatingsonville on the Friday night before the competition. At 7:00 AM on Saturday morning, Mike rode Michael to the fairgrounds to register him. After registration, Mike was given a stall to prepare Michael for the day's events. When they got to the stall, Michael was groomed from head to toe, which wasn't easy after the sweaty trip.

Throughout the day, Mike put Michael through a series of tests and the judges scored him on his ability to look professional, show a great deal of obedience but most importantly, he was scored on the quality of his work in the fields. He packed insane amounts of weights from point A to point B, plowed an acre of land and surprisingly enough kept up with the best darn jackass there was. At the end of the show, Michael was honored Second place, and the cash prize of $2,000. That being just enough money for them to continue their journey. It was not smooth sailing from there, my friend. When they got back to their stall, a man with black cowboy boots, a cowboy hat from a low budget Western film, and a sheriff's badge was waiting for them at the door. His figure was far from being slim, in fact the mans stomach hung out from under his shirt, and stretch marks were visible against his pail white skin. He was easily 250 pounds, also he couldn't have been very smart because the man talked as if he only made it to the third grade. The Sheriff spat a milk jug amount of tobacco juice onto the ground and then asked in a raspy, cold voice "are you Mr. Mike