A Lesson Taught

Last week I was in a fight. I really didn't want to fight. In fact, I made every effort to avoid the fight. I made every civilized effort to calm this guy down, but he was inexplicably raged, and was intent on engaging in a physical altercation.

His reasoning was preposterous. Just because I made-out with his girlfriend, he wanted to make a big fuss. I really didn't care that he is more popular than I, or that he is a linebacker on out football team. What does that matter?

Anyway, I told the gentleman that it was nothing personal, and that it was just some innocent lip locking and wandering handsÐ'...no harm done. On top of that, she wasn't even a very good kisser.

Instead of listening to my logic and peacefully resolving the dispute, he overreacts like the like a typical hothead jock that he is. I am smarter than this ignoramus jock, and I know how to keep my temper. I know I will be fine, whatever happens.

As soon as he lost his temper, he became completely irrational and forcefully insisted we engage in a physical altercation. Negotiation failed. I was quickly put in the unenviable position of having to thrash this behemoth. I warned him, but he brought it upon himself.

While I was still trying to reason with him, he repeatedly shoved me. I kept calm, and insisted that resorting to violence was not necessary. My head remained clear; fully concentrated and anticipating his every move. As expected, he made the mistake of throwing the first punch.

Using my hair trigger reflexes, I quickly blocked his punch with my jaw. To no avail, he attempted to follow-up by with a brutish kick. Instinctively, I utilized my rock hard abs and smashed them into his vulnerable foot. I then went on the offensive, diving forward to deliver a devastating head butt to his knee.

Shocked by my ingenuity and speed, he was left with no other option but to wildly swing downward his elbow, which was no match for my heavily defined head and shoulders. Angry and demoralized, he was reduced to using only his thumb in an offensive manner. I cleverly thwarted this attack by thrusting my eye onto his weak little thumb. With nothing left in him, he stepped back.

I strategically retreated momentarily as well, hoping that he now realized the trouble he had gotten himself into. Instead, the idiot was too stupid to even comprehend any of the pain that I had just inflicted upon him.

He suddenly rushed me. I tactically fell onto my back, hoping to lure him closer. My plan worked without disappointment. Just as I expected, he took the bait and began a flurried attempt to pound my face into the ground, only to have his knuckles and hands mutilated by my sharp, skilled teeth.