Adhd - Personal Essay

You desperately wish something good will happen. Waking up one morning, and everything is like a serene blissful paradise. That you could go through the day without having crippling stress or anxiety. Which dims and blurs your eyesight, having to tell yourself to stop worrying while you're gasping for air. Not matter how hard you wish, everyday is a disaster.

You find yourself so depressed , to the point you start trying to make others happy over yourself. Many ideas to do so, and ways to make them smile bigger than the banana you ate earlier this morning. You execute with extreme determination, but you fail miserably. You start to wonder what your purpose is in life. As people come in and out of your life. Some come in, and hurt you instantly. Others come in and appear a miracle, but end up hurting you the most.

You throw yourself into your hobbies, desperately tying escape the melancholy reality you live. Although sometimes it's not enough to get through the dreadful day. Falling into desperate and dismal measures to make sure you don't kill yourself. Doing drugs, to escape reality by being altered out of it. Cutting to give yourself the pain, you feel you ever so deserve. As the day begins to end, you cry yourself to sleep hoping tomorrow will be that ever so sweet, serene, blissful, paradise.

kinda just wish something good would happen to me for once. That id wake up one day, and everything would be okay. That I wouldn't be stressed to the point I go for desperate measures not to kill myself. No arguments. No problems. Just a nice blissful day. I dont really believe in God. But sometimes I find myself praying that something good would happen and not be thrown away in a few days. I'm trying to throw myself into hobbies, and school. But my social life still attacks me. My friends are mainly asses and druggies. I have so many ideas on how to make people happy. But I try to do them, and they cause more issues. I try to make myself happy and make plans with people but they all fall through like sand in your hand. Most of it slips through your fingers, but some stay in your palm. I just wish I could wake up one day and not have to worry about people, not have to worry what is going on with an ex. Not have to worry that my "sister" isn't cutting or smoking. Following my foot steps. Im starting to notice that I should've been treated for ADHD when I was diagnosed with it when I was little. (My mom is crazy and refused to let me take the meds.) So I can't be treated, cause they just wrote that I don't have it, instead