Alcoholism at Home

Children who grow up In families In which parents abuse alcohol live in fear, suffer and “learn” behavior that inhibit their future lives.

Many parents are worried of what is happening with children, who face the fact of excessive drinking of alcohol. Parents from alcoholic families, but those who don’t drink are afraid that their children will inherit the addiction. Some parents are fearful of the destructive possibility and braking up of the family; others think that children don’t see anything. Many, because of children, consider what will be better for the child and when it will have claims: when the parents will divorce or when the family will tolerate the person who drinks.

Some of these apprehensions have real reasons, other don’t. Against some opinion children from pathological families don’t have to be bad students (often times they are the best), they don’t have to succeed less than their friends from “normal” families, they don’t have to be wobbly (many of them are active and pugnacious, and also resourceful and responsible).

However, in this theory, there are theories and truths really important that we shouldn’t ignore, but we should get to know them and think of them. Children from alcoholic families experience everything more than their friends. They suffer more tense, anxiety, confusion and loneliness. These feelings favor the creation of defensive attitude.

Alcoholism is more than just drinking alcohol. It is a long-drawn illness, caused by immoderate drinking, thinking about alcohol and losing control of consuming it. Even though many experts think that we can’t fight against alcoholism, we can limit it and get to abstinence. In some ways it is similar to a diabetic person. He can’t really win with the illness, but he can cooperate with his organism and avoid eating food that contains sugar. Similarly, an alcoholic person can’t realistically change the reaction of alcohol on his organism, but he can “meet” his illness by putting away the alcohol. But it’s always easier to say than to do. An alcoholic person pretends that everything is fine, for example he says: “I’m not that bad”, “I drink because of my family”, “Who would not drink if he had such a boss at work?” His arguments are strong so his family can’t really face the truth. Then, the children think: “Daddy should rest in the evening”, “Daddy has to drink, because he will have to listen mummy’s grumbling”. They will never tell the family’s secret that father is an alcoholic. The reality is that the atmosphere at home is permeable with lies and secrets.

All children, also these from pathologic families, are born with different characters: hardness, activeness, strength of reactions, and many others. Living with parents gives them less or more support. It also depends on the family members and their potentiality. Therefore, it is also important to remember that if we talk about children from alcoholic families we can talk only about some trends and tendencies, and that the situation is or isn’t in favor of something. Depending on elements the effects of influence of alcohol are different. When we talk about children from families with alcoholic problems, we can talk about different kinds of shock and trauma.

Often times children from these families have trauma, which in this case is anxiety, chaos and no support. Every person, especially a child, needs a map that will help him find himself in the whole situation. A map that will tell where is cold and where is warm, that if he will do something well he will be rewarded. That if parents will promise something, they will do it. That if parents will say “no” then the child can’t do something etc. of course, it is true that many children muddle trough these problems and leave home. However, they enter adulthood with wounds that are maybe invisible, but they still exist somewhere inside.

The experience of a child from an alcoholic family is an experience of lost and chaos. They never know what will happen because everything depends on mood. When something hurts they might get a kiss, if something is bad they will get yelled at. No one really wants to listen to problems because they think they will know better what the child should do. Some promises are, of course, fulfilled, but never know which, when, and why. Adults once love each other, other times hate each other. Parents are lost and don’t know what they really want. Actually there is one known thing: that after summer there will be fall, after fall there will be winter, spring, and then again summer.

This kind of chaos makes a child separating and running away from reality. Then the reality becomes unexpected: it scares and pushes away. The child runs away into books, music, dreams or fantasy. Besides, it still has to remember of keeping the family secret, because it is not proper to talk about this kind of problem. In this kind of family, members talk only about bad feeling or bad condition. The lack of conversation with others means shutter of topics connected to family. Everyone knows that children are quiet and keep the “secret” and incidents related to it. They do it because of shame, fear and hope that tomorrow will be better and it is not as bad as it seems to be. All taboo paralyzes the battle field and convicts people to loneliness. Outside everything might be fine, but inside the feelings are fighting. Children from pathological families try to impersonate in some roles that are uncomfortable, but help to avoid contact with brutal reality.

For children whose parents are alcoholic, the battle field is their own home, where the targets are he basic needs. Some children are sexually abused, others are being mishandled, and others don’t get even a little bit of any positive feelings, but they really need care, attention, and assurance of love. Many of the time at alcoholic’s homes they