An Orgy of Malaysian Politics

Malaysian politics is just like an orgy. Everyone screws everyone. The only thing is one must be careful though. In all that exchanging of partners going on one must not make the mistake of screwing one's own partner. This would defeat the objective of an orgy where one is supposed to exchange partners and not indulge with one's own partner, which could be done in the privacy of your home. But then this sometimes poses a problem when one is not too clear about which one is one's own partner and which one must be screwed instead. And this is what Malaysian politics has been reduced to: a crisis of confusion as to who is the Ð''victim of the day' and who is your Ð''partner'.

Let us take the Umno Supreme Council meeting scheduled for this Monday, 19 June 2006, as an example. In this coming meeting, the one that is supposed to be screwed is previous Prime Minister Dr Mahathir Mohamad. And how are they going to do this? Well, they are going to do a Ð''Second September 1998' on Mahathir. For the uninitiated, 2 September 1998 was the day the Umno Supreme Council met to sack Anwar Ibrahim from Umno after a day earlier being removed as the Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister for what was alleged was his sexual misconduct with partners of both the opposite and same sex. Hmm.....now that is what I call a real orgy and one after my own heart. I should have teamed up with Anwar earlier, not after he had been removed from circulation. Well, never mind, better late than never I always say.

This Monday's Umno Supreme Council meeting came about after Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi made his one-day official visit to Selangor last Tuesday. Why he needs to make an official visit to Selangor when he passes through the state almost every day is beyond me. Maybe it is because he needed the television cameras to cover it. If not there would be no reason to waste ten minutes of air time showing Abdullah pulling out vegetables from the ground and saying hello to goats and cows. Yes, he did that in case you did not watch the primetime television news that day. Abdullah has been touring the length and breadth of this country visiting goats since ascending the throne while reminiscing to all who would listen -- and when you are Prime Minister everyone would want to listen to you -- about his younger days when he tended to his own goats.

Anyway, I suppose it is better one visits goats and advises the goat herds (is this what they are called, you know, those who tend to goats?) while Malaysia burns rather than fiddle like Nero while Rome burnt. And Malaysia could very well be burning as the Malaysian team is locked in battle with the US team -- negotiating the terms of the Malaysia-US Free Trade Agreement -- while Abdullah worries about the health of Malaysian goats. Hey, if you don't believe me then you had better watch the 8.00pm news on TV more often.

It seems Abdullah is very worried that Mahathir might step up the attacks on his administration and on the day he made his official visit to Selangor he also held a secret meeting with the Umno heads of all the states to discuss what can be done to silence the Grand Old Man of Umno. HmmÐ'...could this official visit to Selangor and the jaunt through the vegetable farm and goat and cow ranch actually be a camouflage to throw Mahathir off the scent? Maybe he did not want Mahathir to know what he was up to, so he arranged for the TV cameras to follow him around while he plucked vegetables and the like, then slipped off unnoticed for his secret meeting.

Anyway, whatever it may be, the meeting decided that Mahathir must be removed from the limelight and the only way to do this would be to sack him from Umno like what they did to Anwar on 2 September 1998. But then, in Anwar's case, they managed to find someone to bell the cat, and this man was the Chief Minister of Terengganu. Who is going to bell the cat this time? Abdullah has to find someone who can be placed in a situation where you can kill two birds with one stone. If it works, then Mahathir is out. But if it fails, then the cat-beller is out instead. In short, heads I win, tails you lose. And who would be the person you want to send to the dragon's mouth to either slay the dragon or get eaten by the dragon? Either is fine as far as Abdullah is concerned. Either the dragon dies or the dragon slayer does. And the dragon slayer must be one who is as unwanted as the dragon.

Why, this would be Najib Tun Razak of course. After all, Najib is not Abdullah's choice for number two. Abdullah did not want Najib as his Deputy but then he (Najib) was forced upon him (Abdullah) by Mahathir, so he had no choice but to reluctantly accept this choice of Deputy who was really not his choice at all. In fact, his son-in-law has been secretly working behind the scene to cut short Najib's political career, but this is not so easy with Mahathir backing him (Najib). But, now, if Najib is the man who lifts the sword to slay Mahathir, then either Najib dies or Mahathir does. Either scenario is quite acceptable to Abdullah. And who knows, Najib might actually succeed in killing off Mahathir and then the Grand Old Man of Umno's supporters would retaliate and kill off the Deputy Prime Minister. As I said, this would be killing two birds with one stone. What a beautiful thought. I must admit that even I like this move.

Najib has in fact fired the first shot in anticipation of Monday's showdown. Barisan Nasional members are free to speak out against the country's leadership, but they must remember they are also subject to party discipline, said Najib yesterday. Najib argued that the vast majority of members were strongly behind Abdullah's leadership but there are Ð''one or two' dissenting voices in the party. "As long as they know about party discipline.....they must remember that they are governed by party discipline as well," Najib said when reporters asked him about the ongoing tussle between Mahathir and Abdullah.

Najib added, although Mahathir's criticisms had not created disunity in Barisan Nasional, the party was aware that Ð''it had to address a wider audience'. Najib also admitted that Mahathir's remarks against the Government Ð''had raised doubts among the public'. And to make sure that Mahathir realises the entire Cabinet would move against him, they cautioned him that the Cabinet considers his attack Ð''as an attack on all ministers'.

Okay, never mind, let us see what happens come Monday and whether Najib realises that he is being sent to his death and gets cold feet. Let us move on to the next issue, Sukma's retrial and Anwar's civil suit against