Anger Management

Anger management, is it a disease, a genetic disorder, or just a problem. I never thought I had an anger problem till we actually did something about it; it started when I was little and I didn't get along well with my cousins. My mother always thought sibling bickering was normal to a certain extent; it wasn't until things took a turn for the worse that she sought out help for me. It was my 8th grade year when I noticed that my life started turning around, and not for the good, or the bad, but for the worse. I got mad for the slightest things, the outcomes were never good. That year I broke my grandmas 60" TV, which at the time my grandpa had just bought it, I put my sister in the hospital, and I almost broke my foot which would have put me out of soccer, I'd dent the cars by kicking them, I even broke our front door, not completely but cracked it enough to wear if you're standing a ways back you could see outside, I just got out of hand. I was never proud of anything I did, but did it out of pure anger only to prove to the other kids not to mess with me. I don't know how I got to be so bad, maybe it was the fact that during 7th grade I started hanging around the "thuggish" kids and started acting like them and thinking I could do whatever I wanted when I wanted, or just the fact that I was tired of being picked on by the bigger kids. Nobody ever knew I had a problem, just my immediate family. When our families came over for the holidays, or any type of family gathering, they thought I, out of all the kids, was the sweetest. I really was too; I was the nicest girl when nobody messed with me. I could brighten everyone's day especially my grandpa's. It was like an automatic switch would go off and my brain was telling me to act like a totally different person. I was scared and so was my family, the ones who knew the real me. My mom couldn't find any to help me that was within our price range. Finally she got in touch with this one specialist who lowered her rate just to help me. Of course I wasn't too fond of the idea of having to go to therapy, but deep down I was glad that somebody was willing to help me. The meetings started off real awkward, but going twice a week they became more of a normal routine. She gave me some solutions as to what to do whenever I got angry, I could either go lock myself in my room till I cooled off, or just go and watch a favorite show of mine or even take a walk. My progression started off slow but took off, I felt so relieved of pressure and stress, and I felt happy again. The meetings were going good until we started having financial issues and we weren't able to pay for therapy anymore and I quit going. I was doing ok on my own for a while. I learned to cope with my anger on the inside and things were ok, but within the past year things have taken a major downfall, especially with the coping of my pregnancy. Sources say that escalating anger among youth has been linked to increased levels of stress and anxiety, which in this case I was under so much stress and all I wanted was to make everyone I knew happy and not always have them look at me with such disgust like I disgraced our family, which during my pregnancy is all I felt like I did. With my emotions going crazy and things getting bad I started