Bad Judgment Causes Self Mutilation

Every day in middle school, I was verbally terrorized at school and the bus stop. I fell in to the category of low self-esteem, insecurity, no friends, being ostracized, and being considered retarded. Can you image that?

Back then, I was not strong and confident enough to stand up for myself. How could people be so cruel? I was smart, but people labeled me "retarded." I could sense myself going inside a deep black hole of darkness where no one cared, or wanted to be my friend. The people who used to be my friends turned against me. I remember coming home crying, or I'd go someplace by myself where no one could see my tears and sobbed alone thinking - why are people so heartless to me and not the same way to others?

Everything got stressful and challenging from there - I became depressed and I started pulling my hair out to make me feel like I had gotten rid of something that was wrong inside me. Then kids started noticing my bald spots and they teased me almost every single day. As the year went on, I started pulling to the point where I was bald enough that I had to wear a wig. Things got even worse from there. Every time I'd walk in the hallways, I could hear students yelling out "wiggy" or "baldhead scaly wag" and a lot worse. They also would try to pull my wig off and I could remember myself feeling paranoid because someone might pull it off and they would use my hair against me to make them win an argument or a fight. I could not stand being stared and laughed at every day. But one thing that I kept a secret - I was mutilating myself by pulling out my own hair.

I kept my hair pulling secret because I was ashamed and because no one ever heard that people pulling out their hair is a medical condition.

As I entered high school, I changed a little bit but I was still being talked about, getting hateful stares, people pointing at me, etc. I began to have rude attitudes to get back at the world, because I felt that people could say anything they wanted to me and I could not say anything back. I got so used to being ridiculed that it didn't mean anything to me anymore and it no longer brought me down but my hair pulling still continues.

This event happened to me because people misjudged me; I became more understanding to others because I experienced a horrific event that I don't think anyone is strong enough to deal