Book Report - When I Say No, I Feel Guilty

Book Report: When I say no, I feel guilty

This book deals with learning a set of assertive verbal skills that are effective in enforcing assertive rights in the relationships with other people. The author talks about a couple of assertive skills which I will be presenting in this book report. I picked up this book so that I can learn to be more assertive at work and in personal life. I'm really impressed with the quality of this book and I personally found it to be very effective. The best thing about the book is that the author has listed down various real-life dialogues between individuals, for example, how to be assertive when some sales guy tries to sell you some stuff.

Assertive skill 1: BROKEN RECORD

One of the most important aspects of being verbally assertive is to be persistent and to keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud. This assertive skill is called Broken Record. By practicing to speak as if you were a broken record, you learn to be persistent and stick to the point of the discussion, until the other person accepts your request or agrees to a compromise. The main purpose of this technique is to teach and reward persistence.

Assertive skill 2 & 3: FREE INFORMATION and SELF-DISCLOSURE

In order to become an assertive communicator in a social setting, you must master two skills. First, you have to practice listening to the clues other people give you about themselves i.e. Free Information. The second skill that must be mastered in order to communicate effectively is Self-Disclosure. Assertively disclosing information about you - how you think, feel, and react to the other person's free information - allows the social communication to flow both ways.

Assertive Skill 4: FOGGING

The fourth assertive skill Fogging talks about coping with manipulative criticism from other people. It instructs people not to deny any criticism, not to get defensive, and not to counterattack with criticism of their own. There are other popular terms for Fogging such as Agreeing with Truth, Agreeing in Principle, or Agreeing with the odds.

Assertive Skill 5: NEGATIVE ASSERTION

How do you cope assertively with your errors?