Code Purple: The Leprechaun Society

The pearl white crystals, which the Leprechauns now possessed, left a bewildering expression on their stunned faces. Standing there in fright, a man before them Woolmaster, master of all wool, and commander and chief of the Leprechaun society, started dancing in a very strange and unique behavior only seen on the Discovery Channel. While performing this stunt, he transformed into a birog, a god of the Leprechaun tribe. Half bird, half dog the dazed and confused Leprechaun screamed "Code Purple!" (This in their language meant Leprechauns in disguise). All the other Leprechauns, which mocked the ill-reputed crystal buffoon, started to understand what he was talking about.

Suddenly a mass of clouds, darker than the deepest realms of hell, covered the sky as a flock of flying Chinese guys armed with potatoes fell from them. Not knowing what to do the Leprechauns performed a ritual so grotesque that if you had seen it, you would die of a terrible sickness called "The Sickness You Get When You See This!"

The Leprechauns started eating the Chinese people like cannibals, until another Leprechaun came. His name was Lancelot. Lancelot was the highest of the Leprechauns government system and was the strongest of them all. Carrying the magical tea leaves of KB, which were bound by a pentagram necklace to his Bing Bong Saber, he did a wicked spell to free the Leprechauns of the unrelenting trance of the crystals. Unfortunately Lancelot died of the sickness. After a proper burial, the Leprechauns contemplated on how to beat the enemy that lives on planet Krontic.

I, Woolmaster knew exactly how to defeat this enemy, from previous experience. So I began training the ignorant Leprechauns. In my well thought out plan to beat the Bananas in Pajamas, I gathered supplies. When all was done, made, and ready, I handed out the instructions on how to defeat these evil creatures. The instructions read: 1. Insert gas into mouth 2. Light match 3. Blow gas on the flame. These steps were used to burn off the powerful pajama armor made out of cloth. Next was to grab your spoon Loon sticks, a bowl, and some vanilla ice cream. To defeat a banana you have to decapitate him, put his head in the bowl, cover it with ice cream, and devour it in not one, or even two, but three and a half bites.

King Arthur rang the bells so I could give my speech to the L.I.D. (Leprechauns In Disguise) going into battle. As I walked up to the stage I grabbed my echo tube and said, "Many of you will die, but death is the beginning to a new chapter in life. I have been to war myself and lost a dear friend of mine to these evil creatures. You must take all your supplies with you, if you want to survive. To defeat a Banana you must become a Banana, knowing your strengths, and their weaknesses." As I finished my speech there was a brief silence as the young L.I.D. took in this information. When all was said and done, we all grabbed our supplies and hopped into the "Green Lab" of Leprechaun shuttles.

Within a few hours, we arrived on a very peculiar planet called, planet Krontic. The stench of the planet was deadly. It smelled of burning rubber, messy diapers, and a pound of rotting corpses. Good thing we remembered to bring our protective scent purifying octopus tentacles, otherwise we would become that of the rotting corpses. Walking cautiously, we detected an odd scent of bacon. But this was no ordinary bacon it was the stinky, smelly, stench of Bacon whoÐ''s first name is Kevin. Kevin Bacon was the only Banana whose Pajamas were made out of bacon. Running over the hills, ten Bananas in Pajamas approached fearlessly and psychotically. As the Bananas came within a rocks throw, a strange song is heard by all and the ten Bananas broke out into seizures. At this moment I thought to myself, no one else knows this song but J-man and I. One of the bananas did rise to his feet. But I was ready and I threw my spoon, cutting off the banana warriors head in mid air, leaving a retarded look on his face. As the disgusting substance that looked of rotting bananas spewed like an erupting volcano, I tossed my bowl catching his head which was drenched in the biohazard waste. Storming to the scene, I then dumped my delicious ice cream, which acts as an antidote for poison in the blood, on top of the decapitated banana head. Eating it viciously in a satanic manner, I ignited my match and roasted the evil smelly remaining corpse until it exploded like pork chop left in the microwave too long.

After that, I realized I needed my army no longer. Ordering them to evacuate from this awful planet, my army left quickly. My quest had begun, to find General Kevin Bacon and bring his head home so my fellow Leprechauns could feast on it with me.

Grabbing and unzipping my bag like a fat chick searching for a Twinkie, I speedily put on my undercover ninja pajamas, and waited till night fall. As I was getting ready to rest for the night, I heard that same tune that I heard on the battlefield. At this very moment I thought to myself, have I forgot my medication, am I dreaming, or is this real? I waited a few seconds, slapped myself exactly four times, and realized that everything I was questioning was not to be questioned. The J-man lives.

I quickly got up and tip toed through the trees and finally I had found a very tall jester sitting by a tree playing a guitar. At first I could not believe my eyes, but then I realized why he was here. The last thing J-man said to me before he died was, "When Kevin Bacon lives again, I will come back to you, and will destroy him." J-man peered over and caught a glimpse of me. "WOOLMEISTER!" he yelped, in a relieved tone. "I knew you would come at the sounds of the Fruit Salad song by the Wiggles from planet Ween." he said. He stood up, he was as tall as a tree, he peered down at me and I replied, "Let's make some fruit salad today!"

"How's about this time, we sprinkle some Bacon on top." he answered.

By this I knew exactly what he meant; we were in this until death. We were friends from the beginning and if he dies I die fighting by his side.

We made our game plans, and made a pit stop at the local Jack in the Banana for a midnight snack. Then J-man and I rested. At the butt-crack of dawn we woke and the J-man pulled out our birthday suits. I smiled and put mine on. We walked to the Mason Dickson line, where