Confession

Alone as I've walked, again I didn't go.

Am I happy? Then again maybe no.

Sometimes I wonder why I am like this.

Sometimes I question myself "why am I doing this"?

I pretend everything is all right,

I used to pretend that I am okay,

I show people that I love the things I do,

I show them all that this is what I want to do.

I was not like this before, I was not like a freak!

I thought I was that strong, I really thought I was not this weak,

I thought I knew how to handle everything

I thought I really knew exactly how to manage these things.

That is why, when I wake up each day,

Every time I close my eyes and pray,

I am always hoping that somehow within the day I'll do something good,

That at the end of the day I won't feel bad and blame myself as long as I could.

I am always sad and I feel so pathetic.

I feel like I am a moron and I am really really so sick!

How I wish I could still hold on,

How I wish I could move on.

I want to live my life like what I am used to,

I want to spend my stay here like those people too.

I want to be happy and feel contented somehow.

I want to help myself but I just don't know how,

If only I did not change

If only I haven't gone insane.

And If only I was not really that affected