Cool Seminar Club, Ltd Case Study

COOL SEMINAR CLUB, LTD.

proudly presents

OFFICIAL CSC DIAGNOSTIC EXAMINATION

v. 2.0

Dear Sir or Madam:

CSC, Ltd. would like to wish you a congratulatory slap on the back, for you have been chosen out of a pool of about...well, the EXTREMELY LARGE AND IMMENSE numbers of the pool are not important--but you've been chosen! Take this diagnostic exam, which will be objectively1 scored based upon your level of comprehension. Read the directions on this page for explicit rules and regulations concerning the CSCDE. We wish you good luck!!2

Sincerely,

CSC Co-Founders

1By objectively, we mean subjectively.

2We also hope that you choke.

OFFICIAL CSC DIAGNOSTIC EXAMINATION

Directions:

The examination is a rigorous assessment of four areas: General, Math, Creativity, and Seminar. You can abbreviate that "GMCE" if you want, but I don't see why you would want to. What does GMCE accomplish? Anyway, focus. The test is extremely difficult. I couldn't even pass it. Please use a black or blue pen to complete the exam. Do not use a green, red, grey, off-white, yellowish, orangeish, (you get the picture) pen. Do not use a pencil. Do not use a quill. Do not use blood from your finger. Do not use saliva (okay, don't use any other bodily fluids). Do not use a hammer and chisel. Do not use chalk. Do not look at another examinee's test paper (if applicable), because he/she is obviously a moron and you will not learn anything by copying from him/her. 99% of this test was written by a blind old man we will refer to as "Sven." Sven will not be held accountable if you don't get any of the questions on this test. If you find yourself wondering what the hell someone was smoking as they wrote this test up, perhaps this is not the correct group for you. May I suggest the other CSC (Community Service Club)? Okay, so where was I. Don't think any dirty thoughts whilst taking this examination. Try to narrow the answer down to four choices. If you can, just guess. For all the writing stuff, may we suggest that you just repeat the question and add a few strong verbs like IMPLICATES and EXTRAPOLATES. That will get you an A for sure. Wait, don't do that; we want to read high quality crap, yo. So write us a nice novel. When it asks you think outside the box, think outside the box. That one is easy. Did I ever tell you that one day, I was just moping around as usual when the strangest guy came up to me? So I says to him, I says, "Why don't you go buy a hamburger, ya dirty bastaad?" And would you believe what he says to me? He says, "I did, it's on the counter." Da nerve of that guy! Am I right? I mean, am I right? But look at me, drifting off again. I don't have the focus I used to, that's for sure, sonny. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT: MAKE SURE WHILE TAKING THE TEST, YOU COUGH AT LEAST ONCE. ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?!

You may begin.

Name: _____________________________

Age: _______

Date of Birth: __________________

Occupation: _____________________

Did you notice that that reads "NADO" vertically? That sounds pretty funny. If you did notice, check the little square to get yourself two bonus points.

Height: ___________

Eye Color: ______________

Hair Color: _______________

Wrist circumference: ______________

Superhero name: ______________________

Why do you want to join the CSC? (Leave out the part about us verbally and mentally coercing you into it. Peer pressure is effective, eh? Shouldn't you be doing your math homework or something right now? Oh well.) Back to the question: why do you want to join the CSC?

______________________________________________________________________________

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Hey, back at the top of the page I mentioned you should check the little square. If you noticed that it was a rectangle and not a square, then check the little square to get yourself two bonus points.

Oh poo, did I do it again? Oh well, here's two more bonus points for noticing.

Draw the CSC logo below:

Explain the following data set:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Keep going...so much more to see.

Directions: You may NOT use a calculator for these questions. Do not show any work. CSC members are expected to be able to do everything in their heads.

1) Bob Barker, the host of The Price is Right!, is a flaming douche. What is the answer to this question?

a. 14

b. 43

c. 9

d. 330

2) Betsie Lou is cheating on her husband with the pool boy. She builds a cylinder that is 20 cm long and 4 cm wide so she can keep