Counselling

A manager's guide

26

R suggests the need to be relaxed or natural in our non-verbal behavior. It

shows we are comfortable and interested in the other person. Fidgeting or

nervousness shows a lack of interest or desire to be somewhere else.

Aboriginal culture has adopted many of the attitudes of North American

whites. In most situations facing a person squarely, adopting and open

posture, and maintaining eye contact are used. However, in listening to

Elders, to demonstrate respect the younger person would typically

maintain a submissive posture, with eyes averted. Some whites have

interpreted this as a lack of respect, whereas in Native culture the opposite

is true.

Distance is also an important aspect of attending. In North-American

culture, distances closer than 18 inches are considered appropriate only for

people who have an intimate relationship. But, standing too far away

suggests the listener is stand-offish. Somewhere in between is a

comfortable area for conversation.

Another aspect of attending is to assure that all distractions are removed.

The computer, television, the radio, a view from the window, and other

people are examples of distractions that can cause interference and lessen

the effectiveness of a conversation. Sometimes not all distractions can be

removed, like little children, bit every effort should be made to make the

environment as non-distracting as possible.

Following

Whereas attending skills were non-verbal, following skills are verbal. Our

verbal responses and questions show we are interested