Draft to Thhgtg

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another which states that this has already happened.

Ð'Ò'I'll tell you a story,Ð'Ò' said Arthur.

Ð'Ò'Good.Ð'Ò'

...

Ð'Ò'Which will tell something of the sort of things that happen to me. It's absolutely true.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'You know sometimes people tell you stories that are supposed to be something that happened to their wife's cousin's best friend, but actually probably got made up somewhere along the line.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Well, it's like one of those stories, except that it actually happened, and I know it actually happened, because the person it actually happened to was me.Ð'Ò'

...

Ð'Ò'Tell me the story,Ð'Ò' said Fenchurch firmly. Ð'Ò'You arrived at the station.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I was about twenty minutes early. I'd got the time of the train wrong. I suppose it is at least equally possible,Ð'Ò' he added after a moment's reflection, Ð'Ò'that British Rail had got the time of the train wrong. Hadn't occurred to me before.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Get on with it.Ð'Ò' Fenchurch laughed.

Ð'Ò'So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to a cup of coffee.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'You do the crossword?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Yes.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Which one?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'The Guardian usually.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I think it tries to be too cute. I prefer The Times. Did you solve it?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'The crossword in the Guardian.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I haven't had a chance to look at it yet,Ð'Ò' said Arthur, Ð'Ò'I'm still trying to buy the coffee.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'All right then. Buy the coffee.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I'm buying it. I am also,Ð'Ò' said Arthur, Ð'Ò'buying some biscuits.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What sort?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Rich Tea.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Good choice.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don't ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can't remember. It was probably round.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'All right.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'So let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of biscuits.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I see it perfectly.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What you don't see,Ð'Ò' said Arthur, Ð'Ò'because I haven't mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What's he like?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn't look,Ð'Ò' said Arthur, Ð'Ò'as if he was about to do anything weird.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Ah. I know the type. What did he do?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and...Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What?

Ð'Ò'Ate it.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'He ate it.Ð'Ò'

Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. Ð'Ò'What on earth did you do?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Well, under the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled,Ð'Ò' said Arthur, Ð'Ò'to ignore it.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'What? Why?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Well, it's not the sort of thing you're trained for, is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my biscuits.Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'Well, you could...Ð'Ò' Fenchurch thought about it. Ð'Ò'I must say I'm not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?Ð'Ò'

Ð'Ò'I stared furiously at the crossword,Ð'Ò' said Arthur. Ð'Ò'Couldn't do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a biscuit, trying very hard not to notice,Ð'Ò' he added, Ð'Ò'that the