Dxm Vs. a Religion We Call the Media: the Day the World Shat Its Pants

DAY ONE

"I don't know. I drink half-a-bottle of cough syrup and I end up with this ingenious poem. Go figure"

"Well I suppose I'll give it a try."

DAY TWO

"Dude, look at this painting I did because of the cough syrup."

"See dude, I told you. It makes you smarter."

"Totally."

Then they tell two friends

And they tell two friends

And they tell two friends

And so on

And so on

GENERATIONS LATER

Soon word gets around to big names

Big names tell the right people

The right people turn DXM into a pill designed,

Not to prevent coughs,

But to,

As it says on the box it comes in,

Make you smarter.

DXM becomes mainstream

A household substance approved by the FDA

Everybody does it

Everybody likes it

Everybody wants it

Except for those metalling kids who hate everything that is mainstream.

MORE GENERATIONS PASS

Those metalling kids grow up

Get hair cuts

Get jobs

Get married

And have metalling kids of their own

Their own metalling kids grow up and have more metalling kids

Out of all the metalling kids populated in this world, one of them catches a break and becomes a big rock star

He's looked up to

Idolized and praised

By millions of metalling kids who hate mainstream

JUST LIKE HIM

So he's up there. His name is thrown all over the media. His name is big.

His name means something.

It means

"I HATE MAINSTREAM"

and

"I'M A METALLING KID, JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU"

"I'M YOUNG"

"I'M CUTE"

And "I'M REBELLIOUS"

And now that all of you look up to me I can't let you down

I gotta find something I can attack

And I gotta rock

And I gotta roll

And I gotta rock and roll hard

So I ask myself " what am I gonna attack?"

And I answer myself "I'm gonna attack mainstream."

And I ask myself again " what am I gonna attack that is mainstream?"

And again, I answer myself by saying" the mainstream I am going to attack is a little old miracle substance forever known as DXM"

So our little metalling rock star goes into hiding for a while trying to find all the dirt he can about DXM: the drug that makes you

smarter.

Days pass

Weeks pass

Months pass

And all the while

All the fans

All over the world

Are splitting up into two categories

The Appalled and The Obsessed

The Appalled say

He's gone, and he's never commin back, EVER

It's time to move on.

And The Obsessed say

Just you wait. He's commin back and is gonna be better then ever

And I'm gonna be waitin

Right here.

And believe it or not, a whole year passes.

A WHOLE DAMN YEAR

That is WINTER

SUMMER

SPRING

And FALL

Roomers,