Ego Vs God

Ego vs. God

During my growing up years, from the time I was 3 or 4, I attended church with my parents. Sunday school taught me all the bible stories and when I was 12, I went to confirmation for two years. I was confirmed in eighth grade and continued to attend church regularly until two years ago.

Beginning two years ago, I had come to the realization that I had a great deal of apathy about my religious beliefs. It probably started with my lack of participation in church and in Sunday school. I found myself only going to church to end up falling asleep or being bored out of my mind. Sunday school was no better. All I would do is play around with my friends and learn absolutely nothing. Soon after, I quit going to church and decided that sleeping in after a late Saturday night sounded better than attending an hour church service. I also felt that services were always alike and were never very attention grabbing, so I lost interest. Also, the pastor never gave thought provoking sermons like Father Marco or Father Arnold; they tended to be dull and usually consisted of the same thing that was said previous Sundays. The whole church scene did not interest me, however, I believe my real problem was my attitude toward God and the confusion it caused and causes me.

In the past year, I have started realizing what I thought about Jesus and what He means to me. It all started when my friend, Mike Snodgrass, lost his mother to cancer, the exact same cancer that my mom had been diagnosed with seven years earlier. I began to realize that I honestly did not understand what Jesus was doing and why things happen. He took my friend's mother and not more than seven months later, took my best friend's grandmother with the same disease. I always thought that there was a reason for events to happen this way, but now I could not understand why. Another reason for my confusion would be my thought of the "buddy-buddy" Jesus.

A term that I learned in my junior year from Mr. Donahue was being "buddy-buddy" with Jesus. This meant that in times of crisis and need, you would run to Him and ask for His help and be with Him until the crisis or situation was over. It seemed that I was becoming that way and I never knew it. It all started when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I would find myself praying to God each and every night for a good twenty minutes praying that she would be back on her feet and doing her job of being my mother. As time passed a miracle occurred and today she is well and healthy and she is back to her normal