Emotional Intelligence and Relationships

Emotional Intelligence and Relationships

ÐŽ§Anyone can become angry ÐŽV that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way ÐŽV this is not easy.ЎЁ

~ By Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics ~

Traditionally, management were only interested on return on investment (ROI) and shareholder value, not the neurobiology of emotions doing business. However, in modern days, there is probably nothing as important as having good human relationships in the workplace. Whether one is a chief executive officer, a consultant, a manager or team member, achieving results requires a productive working relationship with others. As such, having positive and sustainable human relationships is the bedrock for business effectiveness. According to Goleman, ÐŽ§Emotional Quotient (EQ) defines our capacity for relationship (Goldmen 1995)ЎЁ and added, ÐŽ§Rational intelligence only contributes about 20% to the factors that determine success in life. Some extraneous factors such as luck, and particularly the characteristics of EQ, constitute the other 80% (Goldmen 1995).ЎЁ

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT?

By themselves, the discoveries in Emotional Quotient (EQ) are not new. Over the centuries, there have been numerous studies conducted to understand the workings ЎҐemotionsÐŽ¦ and its practical importance. One of the earliest historical literature recordings dates back to 1st century B.C by Publilius Syrus, a Latin writer of mimes. Syrus states, ЎҐRule your feelings, lest your feelings rule youÐŽ¦ (Hang 1999). In other words, people should take control of their feelings and emotions rather then allowing it to control their intellect and values (also known as emotional-hijacking). TodayÐŽ¦s contemporary authors have since further expanded SyrusÐŽ¦ definition, which subsequently lead to the development of the EQ concept. EQ can be simply defined as:

ÐŽ§EQ is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection and influence.ЎЁ

~Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf~

(Source: Hang 1999)

ÐŽ§EQ is the ability to monitor oneÐŽ¦s own and otherÐŽ¦s feelings, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide oneÐŽ¦s thinking and actions.ЎЁ

~Peter Salovey and John Mayer~

(Source: Salovey & Mayer 1990)

Hence, it could be concluded that EQ could be referred to a personÐŽ¦s emotional intelligence (also known as EI). It should be noted that the term ЎҐemotional intelligenceÐŽ¦ was created by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and then popularised by Daniel Goldmen in 1995 in his ground-breaking bestseller, ЎҐEmotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ?ÐŽ¦ (Goldmen 1995). According to Goldmen, EQ consists of 5 major qualities or characteristics (Goldmen 1995, p 43; Caudron, Shari 1999).

Ñ"ж Knowing oneÐŽ¦s emotions (self-awareness)

Ñ"ж Managing emotions (mood management)

Ñ"ж Motivating oneself (self-motivation)

Ñ"ж Recognising emotions in others (empathy)

Ñ"ж Handling Relationships (interpersonal skills)

Notably, the first 4 characteristics can be broadly classified under the umbrella of intrapersonal intelligence. According to Gardner, intrapersonal intelligence, also known as self-smart, refers to oneÐŽ¦s cognitive ability to understand and sense oneÐŽ¦s ЎҐselfÐŽ¦ (Goldmen 1995, p.39). This intelligence enables a person to have an accurate picture of their capabilities (i.e. strengths and limitations); awareness of inner moods, intentions, motivations, temperaments and desires, as well as self-esteem also the capacity for self-discipline (Goldmen 1995, p.39). In other words, intrapersonal intelligence can influence the development of an individualÐŽ¦s courage, perseverance, enthusiasm and passion (Hang 1999). It harnesses innovative and creative thinking (ЎҐopen to new ideasÐŽ¦) that allows a person to formulate creative and radically new approaches, which could be considered illogical based on conventional wisdom (Goldmen 1995). As such, these qualities embedded in a person are vital breakthrough scientific research, inventions, entrepreneurship and extraordinary achievements (Hang 1999).

Intrapersonal EQ qualities are crucial in personal daily and business interacts with people. Self-awareness refers to oneÐŽ¦s own conscious of oneÐŽ¦s feelings and can deal with them better (Goldmen 1995, p. 47). This personal trait helps individuals to be aware of any worrisome episode as soon as possible (Goldmen 1995, p. 47). Through mood management, one can act to overcome any negativity (i.e. being angry or depressed) that prevents one from accomplishing oneÐŽ¦s goals (Goldmen 1995, p. 57). This personal attributes helps a person to think positively, which inturn boosts their morale during those challenging-times or difficult setbacks. Self-motivation refers oneÐŽ¦s personal drive (internal locus of control) to achieve success, overcome obstacles, disappointments and frustrations as well to search proactively for opportunities (Dubrin 2004). It also prompts the individual to initiate conflict management, building bonds, teamwork and collaboration (Caudron, July 1999).

Lastly, empathy refers to a personÐŽ¦s ЎҐpeople skillsÐŽ¦, which enables a person to know how another person is feeling (i.e. reading other peopleÐŽ¦s feeling). It allows individuals to place themselves in other peopleÐŽ¦s situation so to identify and conceptualise the other peopleÐŽ¦s problems and feelings. Notably, intuition plays a key role in empathy as helps in interpreting the non-verbal communication of people such as tone of voice, gesture and facial expression (Goldmen 1995, p. 96).

Handling relationship can be categories as interpersonal intelligence (ЎҐpeople smartÐŽ¦). According to Gardner, interpersonal intelligence is seen in how one ЎҐnotices distinction among others; in particular, contrasts in their moods, temperaments motivations and intentionsÐŽ¦ (Goldmen 1995, p.39). It creates the ability to understand other people in terms of what motivates them, how they work, how to work co-operatively with them (Hang 1999). Note that interpersonal