Endomethodology

ETHNOMETHODOLOGY (100 point)

Most people greet someone with a hello followed by a seemingly simple question, how are you? However this question is more complex than I ever realized.  Most of us do not give an honest answer, are puzzled when asked to, and find it hard to respond when someone actually responds with a real answer.  Unless it is someone whom you know very well, we prefer our own space.  We don’t appreciate others invading it and can become standoffish.  In this paper I will discuss my observations concerning what happens when you ask for or give an honest response to the common greeting "how are you?" or "how is your day going?".  I will also tell about my findings and observations of invading peoples person space and where that line is.

For most people when asked how are you, or how is your day going, the automatic answer seems to be one word, good.  At work my answer is usually "I'm here".  It is an honest answer without having to divulge how I feel or take too much time out to discuss it.  I spent a few days and took an extra few minuets to inquire how people were really doing.  I got surprising answers.  I had a few people who just repeated their original, overused one word answers and scatter off.  One person responded with " You don't really want to know, you're just trying to be nice".  Then there were the people I was sincerely hoping to find.  I found people who when I truly inquired they poured their hearts out to me and told me how they really were.  Co-workers told me of their days frustrations and a patients family member who I know very well told me she was having a hard day.  I got a lot of thanks from them, even some hugs.  They appreciated that I cared enough to really ask and to take time and listen to them.  You could tell at first they were off set and unsure how to respond. They drew their heads back slightly with a tilt and their eyes got larger while their brows became inquisitive.  But I was glad that while it took them a second to process my question, that they gave me a real answer.   It gave them a chance to vent to someone other than their spouse or significant other.  My patients wife had no one to do that with because she did not want to stress her husband out.  After I listened to them I asked them all one more question, why they gave the first answer if that is really how they felt.  Their answers were heart felt and almost saddening.  The most common answer I got was " No one really wants to know" or " I don't know, its just what you say when someone asks". I also got "People are too busy".  Has our society become one where no one really wants to know how people are doing, but simply want a simple and quick answer so they can continue with their day?  I decided to test this.

After seeing how people responded to me asking how their day was actually going, and wanting an honest answer, I decided to see how people would react when I gave an honest answer instead of my usual "I'm here".  The first few times I decided that when asked how I was doing or how my day was I would ask if they really wanted to know.  When I responded with this question people were puzzled. This was indicated by the raising of eye brows ( one more so than the other usually), the cocking of their heads, and wrinkling of both the forehead and nose.  It took a few seconds to respond. Most people stuttered out an " Um, sure" as they looked around or at their watch.  They made it clear by doing so that they were in a hurry and did not want to spend a great deal of time listening.  The tone of their voice was pensive telling me their answer was only to be polite and they really just wanted a "good".  I then proceeded with the second part of my observation, to tell them in detail about my day or how I really was.  Since I work at a hospital and always have a watch handy I tried to see about how long most people would stick it out before trying to end the conversation and carry on with their day.  I found about two minuets was the average, then the person would say something along the lines as "well I am glad we got to catch up but I have to get going" or "Yeah, I know how you feel, well I have to run but I will talk to you later".  All polite ways to say I do not have time to listen to this anymore nor am I interested.  I also tried this on my best friend. I learned something, this has no relevance.  Best friends actually care.  They will also give you an honest answer when you ask for it.  They seem to be an exception to the social norm of just saying "good".

Here is a list of what I found to be true during my observations of greetings:

• The social norm is a one to two word answer, normally vague such as "good",
• When asked to give an honest answer, people are surprised. Indicated by facial expressions and body language.
• People give the simple answers because they feel society is too busy and does not care.
• It's true. We give off this impression, even if we do not mean to or notice by our body language and subconscious facial expressions.
• It feels good to have someone listen, I mean really listen.
• Best friends are an exception. They will give an honest answer and actually listen to your answer with interest.

I next decided to see how people would react when you invaded their personal space.  First I did some research.  According to the diagram I found on julieglover.com personal space starts at 4 feet and goes to 1.5 feet.  Anything closer enters into their intimate space.  I decided first to test this with my best friend.  I found that I was allowed in her personal space.  I also found if I was in he intimate space she would simply nudge me or "booty bump" me out of her way.  I tested this several times.  Finally she asked what was wrong with me. I gave her a hug and laughed.  I told her about the experiment I was doing.  She laughed.  She thought I was just being strange and clingy, and on the verge of crazy.  She understood now what I was doing and agreed to help. I conducted the same experiments I had her do and found the results to be relatively the same.   I asked her to first walk up to people we did not know, whether in the lunch line or random visitors at the counter, and stand in the 4 feet of personal space but not to get into the 1.5 foot range because that was intimate space.  The first person in line just looked over with furrowed brows as if to say " hey you're in my space, whats wrong with you?" They did not move or say anything verbally however you could see him draw his shoulders back and stiffen up. He was probably in his mid thirties.  When she got close to an elderly lady at the counter the lady said excuse me and moved over.  She was very polite but when Courtney went to take a step closer she took a step away.  I went up to the desk and said hello as I looked at the days paper.  When I got within an arms length she leaned to the side.  We tried this with several more people of varying ages.  We noticed anywhere within what I would guess to be 2 1/2 -3 feet people are very uncomfortable. They would fidget with things, make small talk as an excuse to take a few steps away, or simply take a few steps.  Unless it is someone you know well we really like space. I did find people were comfortable with 4-5 feet of space.  This seems to be an acceptable range to be at without invading anyone's personal space.