English 111 - Logansport

Taylor Raisor

English 111- Logansport

6/10/2013

Journal entry 1

As July is hastily approaching, I can't help but think about my month of birth. A month full of fun,  gifts, and most of all family. However, this July isn't about just about me well technically it hasn't been for quiet sometime now.  No one my age fully understands  that aspect of my life.. they say take some time out for yourself you need it. I however think that's irrelevant I mean yes I deserve free time but what's the point.  You see with not only my birthday approaching so is my baby girls. She will be three I don't even know where the time has went. She went from smiling at me to talking back in a short amount of time, but somehow I find humor in it. I don't even know where to start with the list of things she is demanding be at her party. For example this is how a typical conversation goes in regards to this so called party "Ameliah what kind of cake do you want for your party," "I, I, I want the one with a blue little pony on it." "Well what about the yellow pony apple Jack?" "Oh yeah I don't want the blue one I, I want apple Jack." As you may know at three life has no limits. I often laugh cause to be that young and innocent again, I wouldn't even know where to start. The good part for Ameliah is that this elaborate pony cake full of bright colors and a small print saying her name is defiantly something  we could achieve. Now the remaining bit she decided to throw on me last night is a little farfetched. She claims that she simply needs a pony for people to ride on and carrots to feed it. In the mind of a parent you always say anything for my baby but this time I couldn't help but think what have I signed myself up for. In three years I have finally reached the age where enough is never enough and why can never be asked to many times.  Some nights I even tell her in a joking manor I have changed my name I'm not mom any more. On top of working full time and going to school I can't even begin to gather all my thoughts in one place. But with a demanding three year old little girl aside from the stress she somehow never fails to show me the light at the end of the tunnel. It wasn't until we sat down on the couch and I asked her how her day was at the end of my full day at work and english class that I noticed the big picture.  When it rains you always look for the rainbow, not the pot of gold or the fabricated leprechaun that's just not realistic or is it? They say "The beauty is in the eye of the behold," I know your probably thinking what's the point! The idea is that not everything is going to be prim and proper life isn't perfect. This little girl isn't going to know the difference between a big party or a little one, nor will she remember if I got her everything she wanted. My mom always said "Want in one hand and shit in the other,"  humorous saying don't you think? As a parent life isn't about failing your children or not being able to give them what they want. It is about nurturing them and giving them the essentials to live life. Yet here I am consumed in thought about a birthday party, a birthday party for a three year old at that. Looking back at conversations and thoughts that I have been over analyzing I somehow found all that matters. My own definition to this crazy thing we call life. A cupcake or whole sheet cake regardless of size, how many it may feed, or  the flavor at the end of the day is still just a cake. Regardless of what you have to offer at this party it is still just a party. No matter what is at the party that little girl is going to smile anyways just because it's a party for her. As a mom I realize that stress is over thought and over exaggerated. No matter what dilemma you face you always want the best for your child. But at the end of the day I realize that no matter what I have done or can provide I know she is already getting the best because I am giving her all my love and effort. Simple as that not only did I learn something I also was taught a lesson, life's to short to worry about things that don't matter.