Gay Love

"Oh my God", I can't believe this! I'm pregnant! Good Lord, thank you so much. Thank you for bringing this joy back into my life. You know how much I have suffered throughout this difficult stage, and how much strength and courage I have needed in order to bear it all. But I kept strong the whole way through, because I knew you would grant me with a miracle as wonderful as this one day. I am grateful god, so grateful.

No one knows how painful my life has been over the years. How shameful I would feel inside, knowing the fact that I would never be able to give my husband the pleasure of being a father. How disgraceful this reality was to me as a woman. No one ever understood that. My husband, my very own husband, had to go outside this house to get that one thing he knew I could never give him-a child. No god, no one can even imagine what I went through. And then that miserable day came when Old Massa put that black filthy baby in to my empty arms. At that instance, that little baby signified to me my broken home, my unsatisfied husband and my unfilled duty as a mother. Nelson's face made me as furious. The rage rising within me was unexplainable. I would have to live with this black baby birthed from a low classed slave woman, and watch him grow up in my house, under my roof, in front of my very own eyes. It was unbelievable. It was intolerable! Not that this child's reflection wasn't already making me feel like a horrible wife and an incomplete woman, but then to add to that, I'd then even have to raise him. That filthy vagrant slave's baby. A black baby! How on earth could I have tolerated that? But I did God, I beared it all...with the hope that you would free me from all of this some day.

I disguised my hatred for Nelson with no emotion towards him at all. I put up with that dirt for years. Not anymore though. Things will change soon. Everything will be different. Old Massa will respect me like before and I will raise my baby and make him Old Massa's precious little son. I want him to forget Nelson and anything about that boy. When I bring my baby into this world, I'll make Nelson feel so degraded that he'll wish he was never even born. That boy is a slave, he had no right to come into our lives the way he did. He was a mistake, a simple misdeed. My husband might have messed around with that easy going slave woman, but she went along with it. It was all her