How to Say No Summary

Chapter 1- Saying No: The Basics

In the first chapter of How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty, the authors present the basics of saying no. But why say no? Many times people are persuaded into doing things they don't want to do, simply because they can't find the right words to say no. Another reason why people don't say no is because they are afraid of what the person will think of them if they say no. I can understand this, because many times I have found myself doing things for people because I couldn't think of a good excuse to get myself out. After reading the first chapter, I learned the basic techniques to politely saying no. The first one is surprisingly simple--just buy more time. If you can put off your decision to accepting a request from someone, you then have the time to really think about what it will take to satisfy the other person. One of the phrases they suggested was, "I need to find out if I work first". As a college student, my work schedule is anything but consistent, so that phrase will be great for me to use. Another suggestion was to say you have a "policy" against doing something. It's good because it lets the person know how important it is to do what you need to do. But for me, I don't think this would be any good, because my friends wouldn't buy the fact that I have a "policy".

The prevention technique seemed like it would be a good one. I have a friend who whenever I see, he always wants to go out to a bar and drink. I normally don't mind, but if I go over to visit him and I'm not in the mood to go out, he will insist that we go anyways. Prevention would be good in this case because if I don't feel like going out that night, I should probably just avoid this friend entirely. Lying to someone in order not to hurt them, or the face-saving excuse is also a good tactic. If an unattractive girl were to ask me out, I wouldn't tell her no because I thought she was unattractive. I would probably tell her that I have a lot of work to do for the next couple of months, and I don't really have time to be going out with her. By telling her this I'm doing her a favor, because I don't hurt her feelings.

In order to say no without feeling guilty, it's important to think about all the "No's" you've had to take in your lifetime. All the rejection you've taken, when you think about it, really wasn't so bad. If you can let that roll down your back, then telling someone no will be that much easier. The book recommends practicing in front a mirror in order to build confidence in your no's. Finally, if you can't do it, fake it. As long as your voice has a tone of confidence when you say no, it will be that much more believable. This is true because someone can say no in a meek, wimpy voice and have the greatest excuse ever, but if someone simply says "no" in the right tone, it will have a much stronger effect on the person than the softer voice.

Chapter 2- Saying No to Requests for Money

As a college student, I don't really have a lot of money. However, that means I also have a lot of friends with no money, and they are constantly hitting