Is Sexuality a Necessary Part of Love?

Is sexuality a necessary part of love?

What is Love? Love has been the cause of more pain, war, and death and on the flipside, of more joy, happiness, and excitement then anything else in this world, yet it is something that nobody can truly define. What we can define though is some of the elements that are present when we see passionate love. One of these elements is sexuality. Sexuality can be seen in nearly every book and movie where passionate love is present. I feel that sexuality is a necessary element of passionate love, and I believe this because of these three reasons: Physical attraction, which is often the reason two people are first attracted to each other, the tradition of sexual intercourse to consummate a marriage, which is a tradition between two people in love, and empirical evidence, which gives evidence of this through scientific studies.

The first reason I believe that sexuality is a necessary part of love is the fact that physical attraction is the first step to a relationship. How many love stories have you read in which the main character did not find the person he was in love with physically attractive? Take The Bridges of Madison County for example. Both of the main characters' first reactions were that of physical attraction. When Robert first sees Francesca he is stunned by her beauty: "And immediately he began to feel the old clumsiness he always suffered around women to whom he was even faintly attracted" (19). Right away we can see that he already has a physical attraction towards her. The same physical attraction could be seen in Francesca when they first meet, going into even further detail than Robert. She says to herself,

The eyes, the voice, the face, the silver hair, the easy way he moved his body, old ways, disturbing ways, ways that draw you in. Ways that whisper to you in the final moment before sleep comes, when the barriers have fallen. Ways that rearrange the molecular space between male and female, regardless of species (33).

The language that she uses in this quote emphasizes just how strongly she is attracted to him. She even goes on to think, "The only thing she could ever conclude was that Robert Kincaid had drawn her in somehow, after only a few seconds of looking at him." Francesca shows already that she is attracted without even exchanging a single word with him.

Another book that shows an example of physical attraction is Love Story by Erich Segal. When Oliver and Jenny are getting coffee after they first meet, Oliver asks, "Jenny, if you're so convinced I'm a loser, why did you bulldoze me into buying you coffee?" Her answer is very simply, "I like your body." This shows that even though she speaks critically of Oliver, she is still attracted to him because of his physical appearance, and even comes right out and tells him that.

In an article written by Karen K. Dion, titled Physical Attractiveness and Interpersonal Attraction, she says "It might be expected that physical attractiveness would be an important determinant of attraction during adolescence and early adulthood, particularly in the context of heterosexual relations." This scientific outlook of physical attraction can be found in Romeo and Juliet, when Romeo first sees Juliet at the Capulet's party. After asking a servant who the young girl is, Romeo goes into a monologue saying,

O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night as a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear- beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear. So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows as yonder lady o'er her fellows shows. The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand and, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand. Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night (act I, Scene IV).

It is clear here that just by setting his eyes on Juliet he is already deeply attracted to her, even asking himself if he had really loved until now. Such a strong attraction to someone with even the possibility of love on first sight shows that physical attraction plays a huge role in whether a relationship begins. Shakespeare is not the only playwright to show the importance of physical attraction though, and as Pamela C. Regan states from her article "Sex and the Attraction process: Lessons from Science (and Shakespeare) on Lust, Love, Chastity, and Fidelity", "For centuries, poets, playwrights, and other artists have vociferously touted the notion that sexual attraction is the force that propels individuals to fall in love with one another." This shows that the idea of physical attraction as being one of the main elements that causes people to fall in love is not a new one but has been wrote about for centuries.

The second reason I believe that sexuality is a necessary part of passionate love is because of the tradition of sexual intercourse as the consummation of marriage. Perhaps the most famous example of this can be seen in Romeo and Juliet when Juliet is waiting for their first night together and the sexual consummation of their union and says,

Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night! That runaway's eyes may wink, and Romeo leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen! Lovers can see to do their amorous rites by their own beauties; or, if love be blind, it best agrees with night.... Come, night! Come Romeo! O! I have bought the mansion of a love, but not possess'd it, and though I am sold, not yet enjoy'd. So tedious is this day as the night before some festival to an impatient child that hath new robes and may not wear them. (Act III, Scene II).

Juliet is saying that this is the night where lovers can perform their rites of sexual desire. Her emphasis on her wedding night shows how important this tradition is to her.

We also see this tradition of consummation in Islam when after the Nikah (marriage) there is the Rukhsati, which is translated as the "sending off." Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqui in his article Difference Between Nikah and Rukhasti (and other issues) explains "This means the consummation of marriage." This is the point where the couple is left alone to have their intimate conjugal relations. Islam is just one religion that considers sexual intercourse the consummation of marriage. For example, Dominigue Meekers in his article notes that African cultures also recognize sexual intercourse as the consummation of a marriage.

In catholic weddings as reported by Rev. Joseph J. C. Petrovits, J.C.L., S.T.D. of the Catholic University of America in his dissertation titled, The New Church Law On Matrimony,

Matrimony between two baptized persons is called ratified (ratum) before its