Lysistrata

The following is an e-mail going around NYC...

> The 1st part is a girl's apology email for cheating.

> 2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to his

> entire address book and is now circulating everywhere

>

> Brad,

> It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable

> right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First,

> let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry,

> and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people

> in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last

> person that I would ever want to wrong in any way.

> There is no excuse at all or anything that happened,

> so I won't even try other than to say all of us had

> WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can

> handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve

> it, I can even handle the ugly words that were

> exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking

> that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I

> feel like I just went through a horrible break up or

> something. The world looked funny yesterday, I

> couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs

> I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I

> don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and

> I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong

> on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is

> something that we can deal with. I know it sounds

> totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play

> such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my

> days without you. It is totally strange and weird to

> say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't

> reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling

> like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your

> friends think I am a terrible person, because I am

> not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take

> back what happened, but I just want you to know that

> fighting with you was just about the worst thing I

> could have ever imagined. It was right up there with

> one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give

> anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not

> sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks

> that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other

> time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together,

> although I think my sunglasses are still at your

> house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them

> that would be great. I can't even focus or work today,

> I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly

> break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was

> not that and you are not done with me. Please don't

> cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.

> I am so sorry.

> Elizabeth

>

> RESPONSE:

> Dear Elizabeth,

> Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it

> away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken

> whores I couldn't care less about".

> You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division

> and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing";

> Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a