Managing Conflict

Managing Conflict

What is conflict?

Conflict is a natural disagreement resulting from individuals or groups that differ in attitudes, beliefs, values or needs. It can also originate from past rivalries and personality differences. Other causes of conflict include trying to negotiate before the timing is right or before needed information is available.

Causes of conflict.

1. Lack of communication.

There is a lack of communications. Failure to share ideas and feelings (between wife and husband for example) allows the other person to "fill in the gap." We "read in" what we think the other person will say or anticipate how the other person will respond. Then, we often suspect negative things which provokes anxiety, leading us to look for the worst. If this continues, trust becomes lower and we may become suspicious and defensive.

2. Value Conflict

There is a value conflict in which two people have different attitudes, beliefs and expectations. These differences may interfere in making decisions if we are inflexible and hold rigid, dogmatic beliefs about the "right way" to do things. Different values and beliefs predispose two people to choose different goals or different methods to achieve the same goals. And, since each goal requires an investment of time, effort and some sacrifice, we cannot pursue one goal without sacrificing the other to some extent.

3. Lack of effective leadership or decision-making

There is a lack of effective leadership or decision-making. Lack of agreement about "who's in charge" or "how we are going to get things done" in any situation can be a source of conflict. For example, if one parent in a family expects democratic decision-making (all members have input) and the other wants to be the boss (do it my way), they may not be able to resolve honest differences of opinion. Then when differences exist, they become sidetracked into a hassle over who will decide or whose opinion is going to be accepted as the "right" one. The resulting conflict becomes a "win-lose" struggle.

4. Change causes disequilibrium.

While change is considered to be a "given" for people working and living together, another "given" is that people prefer secure, predictable patterned responses to the unknown.

When changes occur abruptly and unpredictably, conflict may follow (e.g. The wife comes home from her college class one night and says "I want a divorce."). Forces may have been at work for a long time to cause such a change, but it appears suddenly and provokes anger, anxiety and confusion.

How to resolve conflict

1. Proper communication

Proper communication should be facilitated so as to avoid rumours and gossip.

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