Marriage

Marriage is an idea universal to all religions in some form. While traditions, commitment ceremonies and the manner in which ones finds a mate or mates may differ; the idea of confirming a committed partnership in front of family, friends and community is present throughout all religions. In this paper I will look at the ways in which couples meet and marry in three religions: Islam, Hinduism and Iroquois Native American. I will examine how marriage mates are found, the marriage ceremony and expectations of each party after the marriage.

In Islam marriage is not to be taken lightly as it is the most important undertaking in ones life (Dodge, 2003, p.206). While forced marriages are forbidden in the Koran, family does play an important role in the selection of a mate. Much thought is given to the personalities of the people involved and parents also consider what the marriage would mean for both of the extended families (Hopfe Woodward, 2001, p.343). Muslims do not go through an intimate dating period like Americans are used to. According to Dodge (2003) when a person decides they are ready for marriage they inform their parents, let them arrange a meeting with potential suitors, and then meet and get to know each other more with family and close friends present (p.207). Since Islam requires both parties to be chaste before marriage the potential couple does not spend time alone together to avoid temptation (Dodge, 2003, p.207). The parents also tend to look deeply into the background of the other person. Hopfe and Woodward (201) say that, "They may talk with friends, other family members, leaders in the Muslim community, coworkers, or anyone else who may know about the candidate's personality and character."(p.344) It is believed that this type of focused and objective look for a marriage partner leads to a compatible couple that will have a lesser chance for marital conflict and divorce (Dodge, 2003, p.208). It should be noted that the couple must agree to pursue marriage or they can part ways as long as they have in Islamic justification for doing so (Dodge, 2003, p.207).

Once the couple has decided that marriage is for them, the next step is to write up a marriage contract. The female in the to be marriage is represented by a wali, a protector or supporter, this person must be a male Muslim and is usually her father brother or uncle (Dodge, 2003, p.210). The marriage contract outlines how the couple will interact when married and covers everything from where they will live to her rights to education and employment. The contract is designed to help prevent false expectations and identify problem areas ahead of time and to come to an understanding now instead of putting it off for later (Dodge, 2003, p.210). The stipulations in the marriage contract must be met for the marriage to remain valid. Not only do both parties have to agree with the marriage contract but it must also be witnessed by two other Muslim parties (Dodge, 2003, p.209). The final portion of the marriage contract is the mahr, or marriage gift. Dodge (2003) states that the mahr differs from a dowry in that it is for the bride alone and, "her father or other family members share no part of it."(p.209) Mahr's act to protect the bride from violations of the contract, there is no minimum or maximum value placed on the mahr and it may be cash, property or some other intangible asset (Dodge, 2003, p.209). The marriage contract does not however need to include things covered in Islamic marriage law as those are understood and enforced without being specified (Dodge, 2003, p.209).

Once the marriage contract has been agreed upon the families of the couple set a date for the ceremony. Marriage ceremonies are small private affairs with only family or witnesses attending (Dodge, 2003, p.210). Ceremonies may include a brief sermon or verse from the Koran, the bride is asked if she wishes to marry the groom, states her requested mahr and then agrees to the marriage contract. Next the groom is asked if he wishes to marry the bride and also agrees to the marriage contract. Any trustworthy Muslim may perform the ceremony; this sometimes means that couples also need a civil ceremony to make their marriage legally binding in some areas (Dodge, 2003, p.210).

While the wedding ceremony itself is a private affair the celebration that follows is not. "Walimah, is often observed as a wedding dinner, with food, singing, and congratulations all around." (Dodge, 2003, p.211) Celebrations vary from country to country and some may last days with consecutive feasts and celebrations. It should be noted that,

Men and women celebrate marriage parties separately, in accordance with the Islamic principals of modesty. Among themselves, women may dress up ad sing, dance, and laugh...the women don their gold...Traditionally, wedding dresses vary in color, including red green, or other bright colors. Some include elaborate embroidery or sequin decorations. (Dodge, 2003, p.211)

In Islam there are set responsibilities for husbands and wives. Husbands are responsible for the financial stability of the family and they have the final say in family disputes (Dodge, 2003, p.214). Men are also to treat their wives in a tender and loving manner and to be kind and understanding. Decisions should be made after consulting with their spouse and should adhere to Islamic law (Dodge, 2003, p.214). Dodge (2003) states that wives are responsible for maintaining a "relaxing home atmosphere" and being loyal to her husband (p.213). Women are free to work, as long as it is not forbidden in the marriage contract, and may spend their money as they please (Dodge, 2003, p.213). Women are the main caretakers of the home and children (Hopfe Woodward, 2001, p.342). Having children is very important to Muslim couples and raising children is a big undertaking in any society (Dodge, 2003, p.212).

The final aspect of Islamic marriage that I will talk about is polygamy. Islam permits polygyny, a man having more than one wife but does not permit women to have more than one husband (Dodge, 2003, p.214). The practice originally started to make the lives of widows and orphans easier in times of war; the widow could remarry and have help with financial matters, protection and support (Dodge, 2003, p.215). Muslim men are permitted to have up to four wives at a time, provided that he treats them fairly financially and in emotional matters (Hopfe Woodward, 2001, p.343). A man is not supposed to marry out of passion or lust and he must tell the subsequent wives that he is already married so that she may choose not to enter into the marriage (Dodge, 2003, p.215). If a man feels that he cannot care for and treat all parties equally in multiple marriage situation he has a responsibility not to enter into the marriage (Dodge,