Mentally Unstable

I put on my fake smile everyday just for you guys. I can't tell you how I'm feeling because every word I say ends up being trash and you look down on me even more. I hide my feelings so no one knows what I'm going through. I don't want people to feel bad for me or give me some bogus sympathy shit. Don't feel sorry for me because everyone's life is messed up one way or another. I'm not asking you for some sympathy, I'm just telling you about my life, my shit, and my drama.

I'm sorry I can't be like other girls, but I can be myself, and I'm sorry if it hurts you so much to see me like this. That's who I am, and who I will always be. You'll just have to accept me for who I am, and if that's not good enough, I don't know what is.

I'm not one of those pretty girls in the Glamour magazines. I don't have the perfect body. I don't look like every other girl you see on the streets. I wish I had my own beauty, and I do. I have inner-beauty. That's all I've ever needed, but I soon craved for more. Is it wrong to want more? I hope not, but yet I never got more. The faith in myself soon began to fade and I began to lose interest in myself. I started to hate myself for whom I became. Someone who doesn't fit the image of a perfect girl. Someone who will never look like the other girls. It hurts too much to know that I've been the ugly duckling my whole life. Now that I'm older, it sort of stuck with me. Nicknames that have hurt so much have now become a part of me. It's sad to think that I actually answer to that name. That hurtful name. Don't judge me from what you think you see, it's probably not true. I'm not that cute, pretty, or beautiful girl you see in the photographs. Just someone who's been lied to her whole life, thinking she's pretty.

And there are times when I feel like giving up. But when I think about it, what would those that love me think? How are they going to be affected? How are they going to feel when they find out that I'm gone? Do I leave such an impact that affects those that are in my surroundings everyday? How is it that I've managed to live all these years and not know what it is that I truly want in life? I look back to my past and I see things that hurt me so. Things that made me feel like I don't even belong. Why was I brought into