Modern Canterbury Tales

Philip Snowden

English Period 1

September 29, 2004

Modern Canterbury Tales

The young man sighed in boredom. There he was on a Saturday night, sitting at home and reading an intriguing espionage novel, smiling slightly at the antics of the amateur assassin. Snow fell softly outside the window, littering his vast lawn and the massive fountain with snowflakes. As much as the millionaire billionaire loved a good book, he was itching for a good "job"; the book had gotten him in the mood to practice his skills. It had been a week since the last "onejob". The plan had been a brilliant one with a perfect execution. But murdering eliminating the owner of a small eastern European car dealership country was child's play. It was high time that he got a real assignment. As if someone had been reading his mind, the phone rang.

It was none other than the Vice President, Dick Cheney. He spoke in a powerful, yet secretive voice. The objective was clear - John Kerry must be eliminated. The killer had done many jobs in the past, but never one involving a man so much in the global spotlight. He agreed to the terms and hung up the phone. He walked into his basement and there was his extravagant suit and thousands of guns. It was time to load up.

This time, he went for his personal favourite, an AK-47. It would be ironic that Kerry would be eliminated by an assault weapon, after he argued about the expiration of the ban. Then, as the young man climbed into his highly modified Jaguar, an idea struck. Killing the presidential candidate would be a dangerous job, especially so close to the election. Instead, he could simply shoot Kerry with a toxin, so that he would be too sick to run. Quickly, the slick young man grabbed his arsenal of biological weapons. John Kerry was going down. The culprit? Food poisoning. Should've cooked that shrimp longer, honey. Of course, Kerry could always eat some infected meat and get Mad Cow disease...