Oral History: My G-Grandmother

"Porque Estas Aqui, Muchacha?"

Franciso, donde estas? Te necesito. No puedo hacer esto sola.

Antonia Santa Maria knew it was for the family that Francisco Diaz her husband was away looking for work, but the burdens of the family weighed heavy on her and she didn't think she could bear it alone. It seemed to her that Francisco would come home to see the latest addition to the household and then be off again looking for work having prepared my great grandmother for her next child to be born.

My grandmother, Virginia had just been born a few days before on December 15, 1886 and her one year old sister had just died. Times were difficult and only the strongest survived in Rancho de Animas a small ranch close to the town of Santa Maria de los Angeles, Jalisco, Mexico. Food was scarce and that night Antonia cried and struggled to hold onto her two bundles. One alive and one dead. She held on tightly knowing those tugs on the bundles were from the hungry rats that knew there was something to eat inside. What could she do? Her mother-in-law, Andrea Torres was very mean to her and she couldn't depend on her for help. After all wasn't she the one that had given the order for two large pans of water to be prepared when Abuelita Virginia was born? One pan was to be filled with very nice and warm water waiting for the first born boy and the other filled with ice water if the child was a girl. . .Abuelita Virginia got the ice water introduction to the world.

Antonia decided to take her dead firstborn to the cemetery. At the gate she waited and waited and finally another family came mourning to bury their dead. Disease and death visited the area often with various plagues and epidemics of Yellow Fever and Cholera taking their toll. She had no money to use for a proper burial and hoped that her sad story would find a kind heart.

She went to the family and explained her sorrow and begged to

be allowed to drop her bundled dead baby into their grave as well. . .God granted for the family to receive her plea and Antonia felt her life drop away as she felt the dropped bundle release from her hand and fall into the grave.

Antonia's dark Indian skin had always been the issue with her mother-in-law Andrea. Why couldn't her fair skinned Francisco have married someone in his own class. But Francisco would have none of it. He had lived life to the fullest riding and drinking hard. Francisco could see that she was about his age and it turned out they were both born the same year, 1862. From that first time he saw her in Tepetongo one day when Antonia and her sister, Panchita were walking to church he was smitten in love with her. In fact after they went into the church Francisco waited for her and finally got the message to her that he wanted to talk to her outside. When Antonia came out Francisco, who was not one for small talk, swept her onto his horse and took her away as his wife. They remained a married couple until his death in 1906 in Chihuahua.

If only Jorge Diaz, her father-in-law were here things would be better. . .hadn't he been the one that had rescued her sister-in-law Feliciana from the French, maybe he would have now rescued her from her depths of sorrow and depression. But with Andrea feeling the way she did about Antonia she knew she could find no support at this heart rending time of her life. She wanted her mother. . .she wanted to go home. Antonia had been born in the rancho Salitrillo and her parents, Lucio Santa Maria and Cecilia Lugo were from a well established family having lived for many generations in the Ranchos close to Tepetongo, Zacatecas which was not far, just to the North at the border of Jalisco and Zacatecas, not more than a days travel but for a person on foot and weak from child birth the journey would be a stern challenge.

Before beginning her journey home Antonia prepared as best she could and possibly even thought about and drew strength from Feliciana, Francisco's sister that had been captured by a French officer in high standing. It seems that when the beautiful Feliciana, who was born in 1851, was a teenager she was captured and taken to be the "wife" of the French officer. One version of the story has it that her father Jorge Diaz (dob:1832) somehow engineered a successful rescue attempt. Another version says that after a time the other women around Feliciana helped her and came up with a plan to aid her in escaping. They took blankets and pillows and put them under her clothes to make her look fat and hunchbacked. They then somehow added some mixtures together and fixed up her face to appear as if she was an old knarled woman. With her disguise complete Feliciana one day just walked out of town with only the minimum of notice given to her. She went on later to marry, be widowed, and marry again to Julian Roman thus becoming the Matriarch of the large Roman Diaz family of Southern California. A daughter of Julian Roman by a previous marriage to Marcelina Gonzales, Maria del Refugio Roman married Jesus Diaz (dob:1864) the youngest brother of Francisco's and established the large Diaz family in Woodlake, California.

With nothing else to do Antonia started on her journey home. But it was the rainey season and the rains came hard at that time of year in that very green area of Jalisco. And as things would have it Rancho de Animas became virtually an island when the river became swollen making passage to the North near impossible except for the strongest. At rivers edge Antonia sat down and instantly the courage she had gathered so carefully faded away. How could she even think to cross this wild river alone and much less would be her chance of success while holding her new born. So there she sat by the rivers edge crying wondering what to do. She knew if she could just get across she would reach deeply to find the strength to make the day long journey to her mothers house but how would she get across??? After a time Antonia heard someone approaching and when the stranger appeared (after all didn't she know who everyone in the small town was and who was this person she had never seen) all alarm left her and a great feeling of peace and trust filled her heart.

"Porque Estas Aqui, Muchacha?"

. . ."Girl, why are you here?"

the stranger called out to her and "why are you crying." Antonia seeing the man sit down next to her simply let the words flow from her