Patchadams

Losing Oneself

When you realize that you have somehow changed in the course of loving and holding on to someone, that's the time to realign your self-concept. Have you dangerously put yourself in a position of self-loathing or do you find yourself a better person? Do you see yourself as an individual enjoying a partnership or have you turned into your partner's shadow? Do you still feel appreciated for who you are or do you constantly make conscious efforts to please in order to be appreciated? Are you still able to reach for your goals as an individual or have you lost your courage to dream altogether? Do you still appreciate the value of physical solitude, certain and secure that in spite of being physically alone, you do belong to someone... or are you terrified of the mere thought of being alone, that for you solitude in any given space means being alone in all aspects that you are deemed incomplete without your someone standing next to you?

"Love me for what I am", the cheesy classic goes... and yet, one could only easily demand of this when you still have a little tenacity left to keep the relationship going although the relationship has turned sour or worse, bitter. Ironically, on the onset of a blossoming, promising relationship, you do more than just compromise yourself. Without holding back, without considering the repercussions, throwing all cautions to the wind... you morph into something your partner wants you to be. In fact, you don't dare say "Love me for what I am." Instead, you say, "I love you. What you love, I am...starting this moment."

On the upside, the way you have changed may still be good for you. If you have evolved into an even better person on account of your change and you are still able to draw a line between who you are and what your beautiful relationship is all about, then you are one of the few fortunate. If you still have discernment between your individuality and your relationship, then you are on the right track.

If, however, you find you are losing yourself and are continually tortured with thoughts of being left by your partner despite your best efforts, then, my friend, you are a person on a deathwish. Welcome to the land of the living dead. Sooner or later you will have turned into a mindless being. It won't be long before you find yourself in a zombie-like trance. You