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Peer Review Letter on Malcom X

Essay by   •  February 23, 2016  •  Essay  •  494 Words (2 Pages)  •  1,218 Views

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Dear student,

First, thank you for sharing your paper with me. Oppression has always been common and therefore talking about why we need to end it will always remain important. From your draft it seems that this movie mainly talks about oppression against African Americans.

My overall impression of your paper is that you have a lot of relevant material, but I’m not positive about the argument you are making in this paper. I think providing more material as to the main point of this essay would bring more clarity in this paper.

You have done good research and that is visible throughout your paper. The reviews you have mentioned are very good ones and you have also done a great job explaining them. I also really liked that you have mentioned examples in your essay as that added more depth to your paper.You have not mentioned what you would like to receive advice about so I’m not sure what you need help with. I’ll go over briefly what I think you could include in your essay to ass more meaning to this essay

First, I like how your essay jumped right into talking about the movie and that you briefly explained what it was about, however I wasn’t really able to spot your thesis. I understand that the main focus is on oppression against African Americans but it’s more of a statement and I don’t really see what argument you are making about oppression against them.

Second, I feel like you should include a couple more critic reviews in this paper. If I’m not mistaken, the only ones you mentioned were those of Owen Gleiberman and Roger Ebert. I believe including more would make your essay stronger. The guidelines for this assignment mentioned we must include at least four.

Third, the conclusion didn’t really wrap up the essay well. I think it’s because you’re argument was vague, however I’m sure after you work on that your conclusion can come together better.

The major things I want you to keep working on are: (1) making your argument more visible throughout this paper by talking about what you really feel about this movie and the reviews. (2) including more critic reviews as that will definitely make this essay much stronger. It will also show that you have provided a good amount of time doing research to write this film analysis. (3) working on your conclusion so the reader has a good idea about what the main focus of this paper was. Working on your argument

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