Puddinghead

The Worry Melodrama

An original script by Ian Fallis. Providing this paragraph is on all copies of this script, it is provided free of charge and free of royalties by Ian Fallis, through his ministry web site, www.fallis.org

A ham-it-up yuck-fest with a solid biblical point. At least, it's supposed to have one. (Based on Matthew 6:25-34) The key to this is having the cast step into and out of character.

Cast:

Narrator: A golden-voiced male

Olivia Puddinghead: Our heroine, with an ego the size of Mount Rushmore and a brain roughly a billion sizes smaller

Basil Snark: The villain, the butt of many jokes; is hunched over and wears black

Biff Wannabe: Our hero, but a bit of a, well, a Biff

Props:

Clicker

Fake money

Fake huge contract

Lights come up on Olivia, center stage, holding a handful of cash and with a look of concern on her face.

Narrator: Meet our heroine, sweet Olivia Puddinghead.

Olivia: Oh, woe is me. I have sold the produce from Puddinghead farm, and hold the proceeds here in my hand. Yet, alas, I need a new parasol, my pantry is running bare, and the mortgage payment is due -- yet the proceeds allow me to do but one of those. Dear, oh dear, what shall I do? (Pause; expression changes) OK, that's a stupid question. I'm going shopping. New parasol, here I come.

Narrator: Enter our villain, Basil Snark. (Basil, with an evil laugh, enters from downstage right and hunches over at center stage right.)

Olivia: Why are you all hunched over? And what's with the black outfit? Black is not your color. You need to come shopping with me.

Basil: I'm the villain, you ... you ... Puddinghead! And I don't think you're going shopping, sweet Olivia. Without that mortgage payment, I'll foreclose on Puddinghead farm. And don't forget the railroad clause.

Olivia: The railroad clause?

Basil: (With an evil laugh) The railroad clause. (He unrolls a very long piece of paper, with a lot of small writing, but on which is written, in big letters, In case of lack of payment, I get to tie you to the railroad tracks in front of an oncoming train.) In case of lack of payment, I get to tie you to the railroad tracks in front of an oncoming train. (He rolls the paper back up.)

Olivia: Passenger or freight?

Basil: What difference does that make?

Olivia: Well, if it's a passenger train, I'll have to get my hair done so it will flow in a series of beautiful waves as the locomotive approaches, and then I won't have money for anything else! (Pause, with a thoughtful look on her face, then she comes to a realization:) But then, I wouldn't really need anything else but a dramatic exit.

Basil: OK, then, passenger train it is.

Olivia: Oh, woe is me! What shall I do?

Narrator: Enter our hero, Biff Wannabee.

Biff (Enters from stairs, center stage left, and "gallops" while clicking