Raising Children in the Japanese Culture: How It Compares with the West

Being born and raised in the United States of America, I have always considered myself to be advantaged above those born in other countries.  Individuals in other countries only can dream of being born and raised in this country.  With that thought in mind, I tend to consider my upbringing to be superior to those in other countries, and even am tempted to believe that my culture is “right” and theirs is “wrong”.  In recent years, my interest in the history of the world has turned my attention to the county and people of Japan.  In so many ways, their culture seems to be superior to mine and has produced very strong, intelligent and well-mannered individuals.  

Even before they are born, children are influenced by their culture.  The influence of the culture increases at a rapid rate after birth.  The rate at which certain skills are developed is directly related to how important those skills are in their culture.1 One important value of the Japanese culture is commitment to your assigned role.  Children are taught that men are the primary bread winners and women are the care givers.  Interdependence, solidarity and collectivism are emphasized in Japan, whereas the opposite is true in the United States.  Parents in the United States value independence, autonomy and individualism and raise their children to seek these characteristics.2  

One way parents pass their values on to their children is through the method they chose to discipline the child.  Even though Japanese families start out teaching their children to be dependent on others, the majority of Japanese feel that the ultimate goal of discipline is for the child to reach autonomy and be confident and independent adults.  Thus the purpose of discipline changes according to the age of the children.  .A child’s development depends a lot on the way they are disciplined.  The word for discipline in Japanese is “shitsuke”. In the Koujien, a Japanese dictionary, the word shitsuke is defined in four different ways, all with the underlying meaning of “to prepare in advance in order to prevent something from being bent.”  The goal of discipline to Japanese families is to leave such a strong impression on the child that, once the child is old enough to make decisions on its own, the discipline becomes less necessary and the children can manage positive routines and behavioral patterns on their own.3 

A form of discipline that is wide spread in Japan is known as “sharing-activities” discipline.  The children whose parents value close communication with their child and use this positive form of discipline together with spending time with their children enjoying activities have even been reported to have a richer vocabulary than those that did not receive this type of discipline. These children also show higher test scores in literacy than those children in other countries who received authoritarian discipline.4

Japan is known for a style of parenting in which there is consistent and prolonged body contact between the mother and the child.  Things like co-sleeping, co-bathing and lots of physical contact during play are normal.5 Studies have been done on the infant sleeping arrangements in the Japanese culture.  Parents make it a practice to sleep with their children, either in the same bed or in the same room at arm’s length, in Japan.  This is believed to foster the interdependent values they desire.  Sleeping arrangements in the United States, where the majority of babies sleep alone, are believed to bring about independence in the children.  Even with more Japanese women entering the workplace, the close sleeping arrangements have been maintained in their culture.6

 Japanese mothers make it a high priority to prevent a child from fussing and stay busy trying to be proactive and predicting the needs of their child.  For the first two years of a child’s life, they are with their mothers much of the time, with most spending only 2 hours a week away from the baby.  This proximal parenting style is practiced in Japan, as opposed to a distal parenting style in the United States.  The believe this style of parenting brings about early development of self-regulation in children.  This means that the children have an ability to monitor and control their own emotions, behaviors, thoughts and attention. The distal style emphasizes eye contact between the mother and child and communication through words and facial expressions.  The American traditions of dates away from the baby and weekend trips with just mom and dad are just not heard of in the Japanese culture.  Americans might think the Japanese style of parenting is just spoiling the child, because Americans put so much emphasis on encouraging independence. The Japanese believe the child is initially disconnected from the family and encourage the child toward complete dependence on the mother.7 

        Parenting practices in Japan emphasize union in infancy and foster empathy from an early age.8 It is even believed that empathy is the core of Japanese culture, as well as the core of Japanese parenting.  From an early age, Japanese children begin to learn the importance of considering others before they act.  This can be attributed to the fact that their mothers constantly give feedback to their children on how their actions affect the feelings of others.9 Their values promote symbiotic harmony where both parties benefit from the relationship.10

Many parents believe it is important to not push too hard while teaching their children and consider the pace at which the child is developing.11 The cultural values of being willing to respond to the needs of others, as well as the ability to respond, are taught to Japanese children beginning in preschool.  Elementary aged children are taught a curriculum that includes moral education.  Unlike in the US, these children are taught social intelligence through unstructured interactions with their friends where emphasis is put on benefitting the entire group and not just the individual.  Team work is emphasized using group problem solving.12   

        Even though the Japanese culture of interdependence might seem to hinder a child from making decisions on its own later in life, most Japanese kids grown into clam, friendly and confident adults.  These children are often pushed to the limit in their studies, mental work and sports.  It is not a question as to which parenting style is better, the Japanese of that of the United States, but more of a question of what can be learned from other cultures on how they rear their children that can be incorporated into our current culture with a goal of raising children into healthy adults that benefit society.