Reading Someone like a Book

How to Read a Person Like a Book

Summary

CH 1: Aquiring the skills for reading gestures

- Life situations offer the best tests for the interpretation of gestures

- Gesture clusters: are the groups of nonverbal communications associated with different attitudes. In addition to viewing individual gestures we present the myriad of attitudes expressed by not one gesture, but a series of related ones.

- Gesture clusters can occur at the same time (locking arms and ankles plus making a fist), or one after the other

- When gestures are read subconsciously, only unconscious assumptions about them can be made. We should be able to evaluate most stimuli before reacting to them.

- Sometimes our gestures can precipitate the other persons reactions, or their gestures could only be physical idiosyncrasies. Sometimes gestures have to do with a particular custom, and sometimes they are just repeated because of habit, and mean nothing.

- Don't jump to immediate conclusions based on the observations and comprehension of isolated gestures. Understanding the congruence of gestures in harmony with one another is more important. (nervous laugh= incongruity= incongruity between the sound which should indicated amusement, and the rest of it which indicates discomfort)

- The serious student of gestures quickly understands that each gesture can quickly be countered, amplified, and confused by another.

- The congruence of gestures not only concerns us with matching gesture with gesture but with verbal/gesture evaluation. The spoken work is very important in this process.

- Instead of concentrating on gestures as mere parts that must be fitted together for meaning we must concentrate upon gesture clusters, then congruity of body movements and gestures become easier to understand.

- Becoming aware of gestures is fairly simple, but interpreting them is hard

When you would like to test someone say "are you sure"? this could either make someone very defensive, because a simple yes is all that's needed.

- Good testing grounds include social and business gathering, anywhere where there are people, TV.

CH 2 Materials for Gesture Reading

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS: easily the least controversial

- nine separate smiles, 3 of which are very common

- simple smile: teeth exposed, commonly seen when a person is not participating in any outgoing activity upper smile: upper incisors are exposed, usually eye to eye contact between individs. Broad smile: associated with laughing, both upper and lower incisors are exposed, eye to eye contact seldom occurs Oblong smile: when people are trying to be polite, no depth to it lip in smile: same as upper, except that the lower lip is drawn between the teeth, implies that the person feels in some way subordinate to the person they are meeting

- conflict: eyebrows down, particularly at inner ends, producing a frown, lips tensed and pushed slightly forward, thought teeth are not shown.

o in situations of conflict eye contact rarely lost, because indicates defeat or fear

- shock or great surprise: when a persons mouth is wide open due to relaxing of muscles. Sometimes not surprise, only when someone is concentrating intently on something.

- Hide something: when people don't look at you while either listening or talking

- Interest in the other person: normally look at each other 30-60% of the time, any more than 60% equals interest. EX. Two lovers, or two individs about to fight.

- Questions making people feel uncomfortable or guilty: employ a gaze aversion

- ' making them defensive: increase eye contact dramatically, sometimes pupils dilate

- exceptions: eye contact varies because of cultures, shyness, ect.

- Giving someone the eye: eye contact indicating interest, with brief glance

- Sidelong glance: used by those that want to see but not get caught

- Glance under lowered eye lids: too concentrate glance on interesting object

WALKING GESTURES: dejected: hands in pockets, seldom looking up sprinter: hands on hips, sudden bursts of energy. Preoccupied: head down, hands behind back, slow pace self satisfied: chin raised, legs stiff, exaggerated arm swing

SHAKING HANDS women expressing sympathy: gently hold others hand in theirs w/ congruent facial expressions, only to other women politician handshake grasp a hand with the right hand and cup it with the left nervous perspiring hands

Vary widely between cultures, reserve judgements

CH 3: Openness, defensivesness, evaluation, suspicion

OPENNESS: - Open hands: shoulder shrugging often accompanied by open hands, palm upwards B unbottuned coat: or even to the extent to taking coat off

Openness encourages similar feelings in others C getting together gesture cluster: moving up towards the edge of the chair and closer to the desk or table that separates them from opposer

DEFENSIVNESS: those gestures that guard the body or the emotions against a threatened assult A. arms crossed on chest: tends to be the easiest to understand, and yet the least recognized as verbal behavior. - when observe this, we should reconsider whatever we are doing or saying to that individ. - women's folded arms occur lower on their body because of their body structure B fist like hands: opposite is relaxed, fingers could be wrapped around biceps C leg over the arm of chair: person not cooperative, person unconcerned about or hostile to the other persons feelings or needs. Chair back serving as shield: attemting to show dominance or aggression crossing legs: shows competition, those that need the greatest amounts of attention -when a women crosses legs, and kicks foot in a slight kicking motion, probably bored

EVALUATION= Those dealing with pensiveness or thoughtfulness, there are actions that communicate that persons are evaluating.

Hand to cheek gestures: these people are involved in some sort of meditation, sometimes there is a slight blinking of the eyes. Critical evaluation gesture: hand on face, chin