Secrets of the Mind

If I were to tell of one event that someone would ask me to share, you know for the good of mankind thing, I would say, "Have you ever met a Dragon before?" Quite possibly you have, maybe in a past life, which is your queue to say, "yeah, right Sarah nobody believes in reincarnation any more, at least normal people don't." It's funny because neither did I: that was before I went off to college. I love the word normal because it puts everything you've ever learned on the line and tests it to your new experiences; let's face it people normal is all in your mind.

It was a dreary fall day, the leaves on the ground were soaking into the mildew-covered streets and the must in the air was a sure sign that winter was going to be warm. It had been like that all week, when boredom sinks in it causes the brain to shut down. Anna and I had been watching her favorites soaps; oh yeah let's talk boredom. That was back when she used to call me friend. She was completely immersed in the love affair or whatever this weeks flavor of the month was; I managed to do what I do best, slack off. You would think a five page paper, due tomorrow, would give reason to double time; but it was way more interesting to futz with her new computer. I blame the people who created Mario, damn them it's so addicting. Shortly after Anna discovered my lack of attention to the task at hand followed by a lecture, I started to plug away at the paper.

I had one page done when her computer started shooting off fireworks like some odd colored bird having a seizer; but instead of screaming Polly's having a seizer it said new instant message. So of course my allegiance to my paper had been dismissed and I clicked to view the message. "You're boyfriend is heading home now." This was odd because at the time no significant other existed in my life so naturally I typed, "what boyfriend?" Three hours later and unfinished paper the conversation, turned into a four-hour phone call. He had figured out that I wasn't Anna, turns out he was Anna's boyfriends best friend, ha say that three times fast. Anyways, we had agreed to meet that next weekend at my dorm he was going to spend the weekend. I was semi-impressed that he was willing to drive out to Mankato to visit; actually his dad drove, minor details.

He wasn't an attractive man like the predecessors before him; of course rumor has it blind dates never are. There was something about him that was appealing, which left a feeling of excitement and I had convinced my self that looks weren't important. That night I placed the red rose next to my bedside, and later he asked permission to kiss me, I wasn't sure but he did anyway. This kiss was different; I could taste the acid heartburn breath, which made me gag like I was choking on sushi, but the feeling that it left afterwards, was lifetimes past and the reunion was almost heavenly. Getting back to normal, you'd think that if a guy told you the first night that you were the one, that he was a dragon and you were his queen, you'd spit in his eye hit him with a sausage and shove him out the front door, not me. So after the meeting of souls, we were together constantly and in the midst of everything I had fallen for the one trap I never thought I could.

Love, to be so bound to someone and give every thing so that they may be happy; That is what I had believed then. After the first month things start to get foggy, the mind tends to forget some days and others its clear as the hand in front of you. We were inseparable, he stared spending full weeks at my dorm, he skipped school, and eventually he dropped out all together. I am still to this day proud of my Geo Prizim, we fit his entire dorm room in my four door sedan, including a mini microwave and 27" TV. Then I stopped calling people, and I started skipping classes to stay at the dorm with him. I would typically work weekends but even then, I started faking sicknesses, and eventually stopped showing up all together.

It was about halfway through the second month when I found out the conspiracy against me. Anna took me into another room, she called it an "intervention" apparently she didn't like what I was doing to myself, but by that point my mind was warped into oblivion. I refused to listen to her and my anger bellowed out with great ferocity, such as Hannibal lector hungry for flesh, and I devoured her soul. I did this to my friend, the friend who on my birthday had planned a party for me, bought mini cupcakes, candles and everything. I said some horrible things that I can never take back a lot of things that couldn't be undone. By the end of the second month I was failing all my classes, I decided to drop out of school and he invited me to stay with him, I would spend whole days doing absolutely nothing. I had always wanted to get away from my parents; but feeling free only dragged me further into purgatory.

My mother called the house everyday hoping to speak with me. I'm sure she was angry, and I don't blame her after all she was paying for school. Her anger and disapproval had me running for years, and I was tired of it. It was my biggest fear too, not being able to tell her, wondering what she would say, and if she would disown me. Which was why I could never bring myself to answer the phone, I came really close one time, but the phone taken away by the person I had entrusted my sanity to.

He was so manipulative he could plant an idea in your mind in such a way that you thought it was your own. Some were mine, and but most were him twisting my ideals until they were so skewed I couldn't distinguish them from reality anymore. He spoke of dragons and queens, and for so long the agony of a starved childhood; lead me to believe his malicious lies; but they were his and he truly believed them. My mother never sheltered me in fact; I spent most of my childhood in dreamland pretending to be something I wasn't. Wanting to feel something more than the constant bickering of parents, and the resentment that came with it. I fell into his entrapment believing fully, that I too was capable of greater things. I think that we all search for something more out of life, some go out and find it, but others find it inside.

By the third month I was so drawn into this plot that when he asked me to marry him for the second time I said yes. It seemed logical at the time; it was to be a small wedding mostly because my family wasn't going to be there. All the preparations were in order by the beginning of the fourth month, which was when our relationship took a giant leap off a five hundred story building only to realize it was still attached