Sibling Spats

Sibling Spats

"Both of you, to your rooms, now!" This is the typical punishment that used to

arise from sibling rivalry, but what are parents to do now when the fighting turns into

physical violence? The usual reprimanding may not be enough to calm the raging waters.

There are various suggested ways to control child behavior, but the problem is finding the

appropriate method for the right family.

The first step to finding a solution is locating the roots of the problems. When the

children are subjected to constant socialization, they learn to share and use their siblings as

a sort of "testing ground." This time helps shape the child's personalities and other

lifelong qualities (Bode 21). There are some questions concerning why certain siblings get

along harmoniously and affectionately, while others fight constantly. Some of the

disturbances in the relationships can be traced to age differences. When one of the

children reaches adolescence, they become very secretive. They want the world to see

them as an adult. Sometimes this proves to be overwhelming, so the child lashes out at

younger siblings or other family members (Bode 28 - 29).

Birth order also affects the relationships between siblings. All children in a family

behave differently because of the way they are or were treated by their parents and others.

First children tend to be put on their parent's pedastool because they are expected to

succeed. They are very bossy to younger children, and have strong beliefs about what is

right or wrong, and how their brothers and sisters should behave. They do not let the

younger ones get away with something they could not do at their age. The second or

middle child does not expect to get his or her own way much. They learn to achieve what

they want through indirect means. Last, the third or youngest child learns that the best

method for them to get their way is by being nice. They frequently do what they want and

get away with it because others aren't paying any attention. Living with all of these

dispositions in one household can lead to tremendous outbreaks of anger and frustration

just because of trivial differences (Bode 46 - 52).

Sibling rivalry has many causes that both parents and children can bring about, but

there are also solutions for both parties. Parents should try to set some ground rules in

order to prevent violence, but they also need to let their kids resolve their own conflicts by

negotiating by themselves (Hoyt). Parents cannot constantly be interfering because these

are their child's learning experiences. Children should be acquiring skills that will be

useful later in life. When the small arguments do lead to punches and hurtful name calling,

parents need to react as if it is someone else's child being assailed. Most parents don't

punish their child as harshly for beating on their siblings as they would for picking on

another playmate. This makes the child feel as if it is okay to annoy their siblings.

Punishment needs to be the same for all cases, especially when it comes to bullying (Child

Behavior 215 - 216).

Children can also work to prevent fighting on their own. Sometimes children pick

fights with their sibs because they are angry with themselves and there is no one else on

which to take out their anger and because they cannot hit their mother or father, the child

usually uses their siblings as the punching bag. Older children are more aware of the

constant frustration around them and they are more open and understanding of solutions.

There are many techniques that a more mature