Star Sign Profiles

Star sign Profiles

Cancer: You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not to know what's going on in your own. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. But you don't mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems. You are always putting things off. Television often plays an integral role in the cancerian lifestyle, usually as an avid viewer. Cancerians are also very active in the game of life, and enjoy living "to the max". Cancerians are probably the best bunch of people to be around, although cynics will point out that this is because they'll do all the crazy funny stuff whilst we watch and laugh.

Pisces: Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein were all Pisceans. You have no sense of direction. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. You strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.

Libra: You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between cafÐ"© lattÐ"© and cafÐ"© au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. You constantly worry about what other people think, but you don't pay attention to what they say. You are also disposed to walking naked around his/her dwelling, irrespective of the other members of the household's view or opinions.

Scorpio: You like computers. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. Scorpio also tend to have a very poor sense of time, often losing it altogether. Whilst this does mean that Scorpions are one of the most likely star-signs to be late for a meeting, it also accounts for the alarming statistic that 47% of all recorded alien-abductees are Scorpions. 98% of those have reported losing time on their way to and from the alien's craft, whilst 21% of them pronounced upon landing that their "butt was sore".

Aries: Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. Aries are terrible losers and will desperately fight to the end. For an Aries its "do or die." Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross, Celine Dion and Rosie O'Donnell all share your sign. Yep, you're generally all loud mouths. You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA.

Taurus: Most restaurants are owned by Taureans and some of these are very successful. Other popular occupations for Taureans include: teachers, doctors, waste-disposal-experts, climbers, builders, plumbers, computer programmers, funeral directors and Ronald McDonald impersonators. With a good sense of humor, Taureans are said to be excellent lovers but for some unknown reason, lousy dancers. You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best.

Gemini: Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub.

Leo: You will grab attention in any way you