Successful Marriage

Marriage is defined as the legal union of a man and a woman (Webster's Dictionary). Customs of marriage vary widely throughout the world, but it also meets the basic needs of all human beings. " In most societies, marriage is considered the best way to ensure orderly raising of children. It allows for a division of labor within a consuming and working unit. Ideally, it offers intimacy, commitment, friendship, affection, sexual fulfillment, companionship, and an opportunity for emotional growth, as well as new sources of identity and self-esteem." (Gardiner, et.al. 508) Many studies have shown that married people are usually happier than unmarried people. On the other hand, people who are unhappily married are less happy than people who are divorced.

Although the United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the world, we can't forget that there are many happily married couples. My boyfriend's parents, Frank and Donna, are the happiest married couple that I know. April 3rd was their thirtieth wedding anniversary, but to them it doesn't seem that long. I have been with my boyfriend, Matt, for almost five years. I have been able to observe his parents for a long time, so I have noticed a lot of things about the way they keep their marriage a success. Most of the responses I received from them were similar, which shows how close they are. When I asked Frank how he knew Donna was the person he was going to marry, he said, "We had so much in common, and she could always make me laugh." (Powell, Frank) When I asked Donna the same question, she stated, "He would always treat me how I wanted to be treated, with respect and love." (Powell, Donna) Although their answers were short and simple, they are still treating each other the same way after thirty years.

According to Bramlett and Mosher, age is a major predictor of whether or not a union will last. They explain that teenagers have higher divorce rates, and people who wait until their twenties to marry have a better chance of success. College graduates and couples with high family income are less likely to end their marriages than those with less education and income. Bramlett and Mosher also stated that people who attach high importance to religion are less likely to experience marital dissolution. These examples greatly describe Frank and Donna. For example, they got married in their twenties, and have a very successful marriage. Also, they both have college education and a high income. Lastly, Frank and Donna believe highly in religion. Although their sons Scott, Matt, and Art didn't go to Catholic school, they were all in religion classes. Frank even taught the religion classes. When I asked, 'how has your marriage changed over the years, and how has it remained the same,' Frank replied, "Not much has changed in our marriage when it comes to closeness. We are still best friends, and we will be for eternity." According to Donna, the only thing that has changed is their sex life. She said it is only because he works nights at Ford. When he's home, I'm at work and vice versa. She continued to say, "When we do get to make love, it still feels like the first time. Our love and devotion for each other remains the same." Age is definitely a major factor when it comes to marriage. Age affects maturity, and maturity affects a person's ability to make adult decisions.

Commitment is one of the most important keys to a successful marriage. This involves communication, making decisions, and dealing with conflict. Arguing and openly expressing anger seem to be good for a marriage; wining, defensiveness, stubbornness, and withdrawal are signs of trouble (Gottman and Krokoff). All married couples have conflicts over the years they are married, although some don't admit it. According to Thompson and Walker, a subtle factor underlying marital conflict and marital failure may be a difference in what the man and woman expect from marriage. To many women, marital intimacy entails sharing of feelings and confidences. Men tend to express intimacy through sex, practical help, companionship, and shared activities. When I asked Frank about problems and conflicts he's had with Donna; he replied, "I was very insecure at one point in our relationship." When asked how he dealt with these problems, he continued to say, "Donna was very easy to talk to and very understanding. We were able to talk things out, and we would listen to what each other had to say. This was a big plus, because without communication, a relationship can't last." The hardest problem for Donna