T-Shapes

Discussion about arranged marriages

In the western world people usually choose their own marriage partner but this is not the way for all cultures living in western society. Arranged marriages still happen. For example many Indian families who have settled outside India still uphold this tradition. Often the most important aspect is the bond between the two families, rather than the relationship between the couple being married. Property or land with the aim of securing social status sometimes secures marriage agreements.

Supporters of the custom say that divorce rates are lower than among western society because parents are better able to choose a suitable partner for their children.

The counter argument suggests that the pressure of society as a whole and from the two families concerned keep the marriage together whether it is successful or not. Divorce therefore is not an option.

Is your family planning an arranged marriage for you?

Many Indian families who have settled outside of India still uphold the tradition of arranged marriage. Being part of two cultures can be hard. Young people born in Britain but from an Indian family can find this particularly difficult if their modern western lifestyles clash with their parents hopes and wishes.

Many young Indian people living in Britain know that one day they will agree to an arranged marriage. To deny their parents this would be a sign of deep disrespect. Many families are able to discuss the issue and reach compromises that are suitable for everyone. For example insist that you are happy to meet with prospective partners but that you must like your match. Family friends and relatives will be informed once you've decided to go ahead and soon meetings will be organised. You will be matched in terms education and experience, a suitable caste, or social class associated with the Hindu religion.

Ideally your partner will be someone with whom you can share interests and who will encourage your independence. As with any relationship friendship is the key. Good communication from the beginning will help to ensure that yours is a lasting and beneficial partnership.

It is also important to make a clear distinction between arranged marriages that are consensual and marriages that are arranged without the consent of the individuals involved. These are sometimes called Forced Marriages