The Idea of Romantic Love

We are brought up on romantic love. Is this true in your experience? If so write a paper on which you first define this amorphous concept and then discuss how you came about it. For eg. Have you been influenced by media, T.V., movies in particular. Conclude by stating whether you believe in romantic love or have cast of the idea.

"I don't care what you think, when he comes I'll leave and won't even turn back and look at you, he'll love me, he won't be like youÐ'..." Words spoken by me when I was barely 10 years of age. I was addressing my mother after we'd had an argument and referring to the arrival of my prince charming who would understand all my dilemmas and make life Ð''heaven' for me. Such is the perception of romantic love that I formed ever since I began to realize the dynamics of the relationship between a man and woman.

It is what is fed to us through nursery rhymes, and fairytales and it is a world that we do not wish to leave for fear of abandonment and loneliness. As we progress through life we are constantly exposed to the likes of television serials, movies and of course Ð''mills & boon' romances, all aimed at reinforcing the very first impressions of bliss that we formed with regard to the loved one and love life in general.

Infact, falling in love with a handsome young prince and galloping away with him into a hazy, peach orange sunset, is a romantic concept that most young girls, irrespective of race or background, embrace and ultimately grow up to anticipate. They are taught that it is a magical paradise where they will have all of their needs met - and live happily-ever-after. They are taught that getting the romance is the goal and that after that everything is smooth sailing. Romantic love is thus an emotion surrounded by myths and metaphors, motivated by false hopes and the desire for a guarantee that somehow, a miserable life can be turned into happiness at a single stroke.

Obviously that is not how it works in reality.

Robert Solomon once remarked, "Love has become an obscure ideal, like TV ads, full of promise of something fabulous yet to come, hinted at but never spoken of as such."

We are told that we can we are in love by the we feel; the giddy disorientation, shaky, shivering hands, and your heart leaping within you. Unfortunately, these are also the warning signs of dengue fever, so it's always a good idea to check with your doctor. What next? Fights on Sunday mornings? Sex twice a month? Utter boredom, terminated only by the arrival of the first child?

All our cultural conditioning makes us regard love as a single positive feeling, when in fact there are a multitude of feelings, including those of envy, hostility and jealousy, mutual bitterness and some positively inhuman actions - all sanctified, as it were, by a single word: love. To this word we tag all kinds of expectations.

Our over focus leads us to demand too much from love. We put all our emotional eggs in one basket: a romantic partner must be all things to us - lover, friend, companion, playmate and parent. We don't realize that no matter how hard a partner tries to be all things to us, gratifying all of one's needs is a herculean task - beyond the human calling.

Cultural ideas that love is obtainable by "wishing on a star" or calling on one's fairy godmother, is a result of "destiny," or other wish-fulfillment myths blind people to the reality that values must be earned by self-generated and self-sustaining action.

Romantic relationships are the greatest arena for spiritual growth available to us. It is well worth the risk to take a chance on love if we are viewing it as a learning experience rather than the goal in, and of, itself. Romance is part of the journey - not the destination.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the prince or princess to come into our lives. What is important is to know that they will have issues to work through - and they will push the buttons of our issues so that we are forced to face them. Romantic