Under the Influence

The Man I've Become

"My brother became a rebel, my sister retreated to shyness. I played the stalwart and dutiful son who would hold the family together" (67). This quote is one that Scott Russell Sanders uses in his essay "Under the influence." This quote goes to show how Sanders felt the need to hold his family together. One could even say that Sanders felt he was the "rock" in the family. As a result of his fathers drinking, Sanders became a workaholic and a perfectionist. Sanders feel the need to be a workaholic, as well as a perfectionist.

Scott Russell Sanders made a vow to himself that he would never be like his father. Sanders felt the need to be perfect while he was growing up with his father's alcoholism. He thought that if he were perfect it would distract everyone from his father. Sanders vowed to himself that he would never put any chemicals into this body that would ruin his everyday self. He would never cry and save every penny. Sanders had said that his father left behind some of his demons that would haunt him and his siblings. "Life with him and the loss of him twisted us into shapes that will be familiar to other sons and daughters of alcoholics" (67). Those demons left behind are the reasons behind Sanders need to be perfect. He does not want to make the same mistakes his father once made. Sanders wants his life so perfect that he doesn't even tell his wife that his father is an alcoholic till they witness him drunk. Since Sanders does not want to make the same

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mistakes his father once made, he pushes himself with everything he does and he throws himself into his work.

Along with wanting to be a perfectionist, Sanders is also a workaholic. His daughter even gave him a placard that said "WORKAHOLIC." Sanders feel victim to his work ethics by working twelve to sixteen hour days for his parents. Sanders felt that by doing this he was ridding his father of his problems so he wouldn't drink. Work is now an addiction for Sanders, like alcohol was once an addiction for his father. Sanders can't take himself away from work, like his father was once unable to take himself away from alcohol. Sanders own son now wonders why his father is working all the time, like Sanders once wondered