Understanding My Dad

Understanding My Dad

My father and I had never been really close. Our conversations go as far as how each other's day went. We would usually talk about once or twice every few weeks, and still it seemed there was nothing to say. Sometimes it appears that my father is a middle-aged child. Once I tried to tell my father something, other than how my day had been, and realized he wasn't even listening. It went unnoticed when I stopped talking mid-sentence and never continued.

To understand the way I feel about my father, it is important to know where he comes from, since our relationship closely resembles the one between him and his parents. His family has never been close. His childhood was filled with hard work, no support, and silence.

One December day last year, the phone rang. When I answered, I knew exactly who it was. "Hey dad, how's your day?" I said.

"Okay. Yours?" he replied.

"It was fine."

"Did I tell you that your grandpa is coming back from Texas?" Our conversation had spun off of its usual pattern, and I knew something was wrong.

"No. Why is he coming back?"

"He needs to go see a doctor in Kansas City."

"Oh," I said, not wanting to pry, and that was the end of our conversation.

A few months later I found out about my grandpa having lung cancer. I figured if something were wrong dad would tell me, but when grandpa first became sick, my father downplayed it. By the time that I knew about it I hadn't seen my grandfather for almost a year. This was normal because my dad's side of the family rarely saw each other. When I talked to my dad he always acted like things were fine, so I didn't worry. Later on, however, he started to ask me to come out to see my grandfather and I always said I would, but never picked a time to go. Then one day in June, my dad called me, from his parents' house. "I talked to your brother and he's coming over later today," he informed me.

"Oh yeah," I replied.

"I thought that you could come with him."

"Okay," I agreed, not knowing if I would actually go through with it.

Unsure of what to expect, I told myself everything must be all