Welfare Olympics

The welfare check and the food stamps came out at different times of the month. This meant that at any given time you would have gas in the tank with no groceries, or vice versa. When you are out of traditional options for survival you tend to get creative or starve, we got creative.

There was a stint where four of my siblings and myself were in the acceptable age range to go into a store without a parent. While most kids rejoice at the thought of this independence, it meant something different to my siblings. The game was simple, all five of us got a single food stamp (we'd pretend it was Canadian money) to buy the cheapest thing we could find. This would result in the cashier giving us back real money (change). Whoever found the cheapest food product won the bounty, and my mom won gas money (in the form of nickels, dimes and quarters.)

I would slowly walk the store aisles not only scoping out my competition, but also watching out for classmates that might see me paying for my purchase with a lone food stamp. Slowly pacing the aisles I paid atttention to every last detail. The way that the floor was generic carpeted up to the aisles if refrigerated goods. I figured this was in case the coolers defrosted overnight. (Tile would be a lot easier to clean up than carpet) I also noticed the way that the more expensive name brands were placed conveniently at eye level, while the cheap generic goods were always just out of reach. This struck me as ironic.

It was almost like I was window shopping at a grocery store, but instead of lusting over exquisite items I couldn't afford I was comparison weighing single fruits to figure out which would yield the greatest amount of change. The balance was finding something that had a moderate level of appeal in case I won. For an item usually under $.20 this was not always easy. But on this day I decided to cheat the system, I decided on sacrificing the 1/3 of a gallon of gas my change would buy for a greater good, Little Debbie's Snack Cakes. The price for a box of ten was $.99 leaving me with one penny. The scam was convincing my younger brother to buy a piece of nickel candy so he would win and we would split the pot. Being the oldest I had superior negotiation skills(also known as threats) so of course he agreed. It all went according to plan although my mother was less than amused. To me this was payback for sending her kids in to do something she was too