What Is Grief and How Do People Cope with Loss

Running Head: What is Grief and How do People Cope with Loss

Grief and the way People Cope with Loss

As the sun begins to rise and you awake to start your day. You begin your daily routine of preparing yourself for a standard day. Then you receive a phone call, informing you a love one has died, your parents are getting a divorce, or you have been fired from your job after 20 years of service. In an instant, your standard day has change to one of emotional trauma, "Grief." Unfortunately, we all have to deal with grief, however slight or however deep. What do you do when the grief consumes your entire family? Like the death of a parent? At what point do you seek professional help? Friends and family console you during your grief, but what happens to them after the funeral services and you are still dealing with your lose? Is there a time limit on coping with your lose? Should there be a time limit?

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Although everyone grieves in their own way, the grieving process often includes physiological changes, depression, crying and moaning, or very silent withdrawal. Sometimes the survivor goes on as though nothing important has really happened. This happens more easily if the survivor has had a somewhat independent life with many activities. Because each person has a different approach to grieving, problems may develop if a person grieves in a way that does not match the expectations of their family members or friends. If the illness of the departed person is prolonged, the grieving process may be over when that person dies. In some instances, it is possible that the survivor feels more relief rather than grief when the person dies (Verne Kallejian, Ph.D., February 02, 2001).

A counselor from Hospice of Southeastern Connecticut Bereavement Program believes that friends support, and caring are needed more when the reality begins to hit and the long process of grief begins. Their help is essential, since immediate family members may also have their hands full of grief, and may find it difficult to give support to one another. A friend's help and understanding can make a significant difference in the healing of your grief, (Schoeneck). She also states, "Unresolved grief can lead to physical or mental illness, suicide or premature death". A grieving person needs friends who are willing to: LISTEN; cry with them; sit with them; reminisce; care; have creative ideas for coping; be honest; help them feel loved and needed; believe that they will make it through their grief. Ways of helping grieving people are a limitless as your imagination (Schoeneck).

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a well-known author on grieving after a loss, states, "Grief is a natural process to death and dying. It is not pathological in nature, but rather, is a necessary response to helping heal from the overwhelming sense of loss when a loved one dies."

Where do they began to deal with lose, and when does grieving end? Most expert believe it consists of Five Stages, they are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The Five Stages of Grief were defined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross In her book "On Death and Dying", 1969.

"The Five Stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. However, they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. The Stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives (Dr. David Kessler)."

Most individuals go through a similar process, cycling back and forth between the different intense emotions. These phases are often experienced in the sequence described above, but individuals can cycle through these feelings in a different order, and can return to previous phases as grief is processed. It is also possible to feel more than one emotion simultaneously, perhaps to a greater or lesser degree (Kessler).

Although some feel "few concepts have insinuated themselves into the popular culture as thoroughly as the so-called" "Five Stages of Grief": Some professionals believe you should beware of the Five Stages of Grief. Moreover, they fell there are three common myths about the Five Stages:

1. The Five Stages of Grief evolve from the Five Stages terminally ill persons may go through upon learning of their terminal illness. She presents them as "an attempt to summarize what we have learned from our dying patients in terms of coping mechanisms at the time of a terminal illness". These Stages were not originally the Five Stages of Grief but better: The Five Stages of Receiving Catastrophic News. Over the next 28 years, healthcare professionals, clergy, nurses, doctors, caregivers, students, and other readers of the book somehow mutated the Stages into the Five Stages of Grief.

2. The Five Stages define the process a bereaved person must go through in order to resolve their grief. Grief is a complicated, multi-dimensional, individual process that can never be generalized in Five steps. In fact, as will be shown, a person will generally have to go through the Five Stages before true grieving can even begin.

3. A person who isn't progressing through the Five Stages in sequence and in a timely manner needs professional help. This common belief has caused a lot of problems and misunderstandings. One researcher has shown that some caregivers have actually gotten angry at the bereaved person for not following the Stages in order! The person shouldn't be angry yet because they haven't been through Denial (Editorial - TLC Group, Dallas Texas).

It was mentioned above that Grieving only begins where the Five Stages of "Grief" leave off. Grief professionals often use the concept of "Grief Work" to help the bereaved through grief resolution. One common definition of Grief Work is summarized by the acronym TEAR:

T = To accept the reality of the loss

E = Experience the pain of the loss

A = Adjust