Anger and Dealing with It

Anger and How to Deal With It

Penny Cloutte, renowned psychologist and founder of the website www.mind.org, defines anger as "A natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It's part of being human" (Cloutte). It is by far the deadliest and ugliest emotion we as human beings are capable of displaying. Everyone gets angry, some more often than others. In fact, according to Charles Spielberger, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, it is a perfectly normal, usually healthy emotion that everyone experiences at least occasionally (Spielberger). However, when it rages out of control, it can be destructive to both yourself and others around you. Obviously, there is no way to totally erase anger from your life. According to Teenhealth.com, "In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others" (TeenhealthFX.com). So what can we as people do? The answer is to change the way these events affect us. Learning to control your angry responses, rather than venting it all the time, is something that will greatly benefit you in the long run. Easier said than done, right? How exactly does one learn to control their angry responses? Experts on this subject will all give you their own version of the perfect way to solve your anger problems, but no matter who you go to, they will all have one belief in common: They all firmly believe in the importance of admitting to being angry and identifying its root cause. I believe you must examine this root cause, looking at it from an outside perspective, in order to truly understand and control your anger. The best way to deal with anger is to recognize and analyze the root cause of it, because doing so will lead to desirable outcomes to your problems and make you less likely to lose your temper in the long run.

The natural human reaction to anger, according to the American Psychological Association, is "...to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked" (American Psychological Association). Of course, such a response is not acceptable in today's society, so anger must be harnessed and used in a different way. The most popular method among Americans is venting anger through physical means, such as by punching a pillow. However, many psychologists today, such as Rob Stein and Curt Suplee, question the idea that venting truly helps in the long-term fight against anger. They believe venting in such a manner actually increases your tendency towards violent behavior. In a study that included Iowa State University and Case Western Reserve University, the two psychologists asked 707 undergraduates to participate in experiments that included being insulted by an unseen study partner. The students then performed a series of activities, with some students hitting a punching bag and others not. When the students competed in a computer game with the partner who had insulted them, they found those who had hit the punching bag were much more likely to behave aggressively (Suplee & Stein). The two concluded that when you hit something, it primes you to think aggressive thoughts. And that, in turn, makes it more likely that you'll interpret ambiguous situations as hostile ones. Eleanor Gilman, a writer for Rx Magazine, notes in one 2000 article: "In the short term, it's easier to lash out and hurt people, but a long-term solution -- soothing my anger and looking into it deeply -- makes more sense. It takes more effort, but it's worthwhile. Anger is a destructive force. It eats you up inside" (Gilman). People vent because they believe it will make them feel better. When it doesn't, it can lead to a vicious cycle of escalating aggression (Gilman). So if venting isn't a good idea, what can you do to ensure you don't blow up when something happens that gets you mad?

This past summer, I worked as a custom closet builder/installer. Since there were only five employees there and I was by far the youngest, it was my designated duty to take everyone's lunch order and go get it every day. One particular day, I was on my way back to the shop from Wendy's, with a carton full of drinks in my lap and three bags of food in the passenger seat. I was sitting as the second car back from the left hand turn arrow, getting ready to turn and go a half-mile down the road where the shop was. The left hand green arrow illuminated, and we didn't move. The two men in the car ahead of me were apparently embroiled in a very engaging conversation, totally oblivious to the fact that they were heading up a line of about twenty cars, all of them anxious to make it through the left arrow. I waited for about four solid seconds, using great restraint, waiting for them to see the arrow and turn. When they didn't budge, I blasted my horn at them and let off the brake, rolling to within about an inch of their back bumper. The driver heard my horn, looked up, saw the light, and flicked me off as he turned. I couldn't believe it. Then, in one of the few times in my life I have totally lost control of my temper, I pressed the gas pedal down as far as it would go and zoomed alongside the driver who had just flicked me off. I grabbed a Bic™ lighter that my friend had left in my car several weeks before, and hurled it out my passenger side window at his car. I accelerated past the man before I could see his reaction. Once I cooled off, I was ashamed of myself and the fact that I had lost my temper at something so stupid. After work that day I sat at home, unable to shake the scenario from my mind. I thought about it a long time, imagining the damage that could have come as a result of my uncontrolled rage. After a while, I decided while that the man's reaction to my horn was uncalled for by any means, he was someone I didn't know and would never meet in my life. When I thought about the incident from his perspective, I realized if I was a thirty-five year old guy on the road and some seventeen-year-old kid behind me was blowing his horn at me, I probably wouldn't like