Final Paper

Final Paper

There have been a number of biological events over the years that have had a significant impact. The first was when I entered puberty, the second when my first wife and I divorced, and third was when I turned thirty.

When I entered puberty, besides the normal physical changes, my social life changed dramatically. My interest in the opposite sex increased although I was still able to maintain platonic relationships with girls. As a matter of fact, I had many more female friends than male friends although male friends were much closer because of common interests.

When I got divorced the first time, it was from my high school sweetheart, also my first love who became my wife. The divorce was particularly significant in that it occurred so quickly after getting married. I was so devastated that I had either a psychotic or spiritual event that mimicked a near death experience. The fact that I am still here does not provide proof for or against either scenario. However, the event did traumatize me for a period of years.

When I turned thirty, I had more illness that year than any other before or since. Whether or not it was a psychosomatic event or not, I did have at least one legitimate disease that nearly took my life. Although I do not believe that Lyme disease is fatal, if left untreated it can cause a host of other ailments. I was misdiagnosed both because I dealt with a doctor's assistant and because the instance of the disease is so small in Arizona.

The effect of these events have changed my views on religion, relationships and health. I have since altered my view of God to be a lot less centered around a formal religion to more of a personal relationship. My relationships continued to be challenging for many years, only becoming completely fulfilling over the last 5 years or so. I also take my health very seriously, keeping up on the latest research and making sure to eat the right foods and adding in supplements and vitamins that should ensure a health life.

Of all the life events over the course of my 43 years, the three most significant are when my parents divorced, when I got divorced the second time, and when I was laid off from work. The ages that these events happened were five, 34, and 40 respectively. Each had a significant impact on me and in some ways may be interconnected.

When my parents divorced, it was a very bitter affair. My brother and I were separated for a while, my parents hid us from the other parent, then my mother left for almost a year. Since this all happened during my preoperational stage, it had a profound affect on my later life even though I can not remember any of it. The only reason I know about what happened is because of what everyone that was involved let me know. I can recall many memories before and after that time period, so the impact of it must have been so great that I have blocked the memories. My brother was only two and a half and in the sensorimotor stage and has been little affected by the events of that period.

I did poorly in school in the years following the divorce as well as wetting the bed almost into my teens. The trauma did not end with the divorce. My mom remarried quickly and I was then exposed to a power struggle over who got to see me and my brother. My mothers' hatred for my father was so great that I eventually came to disliking my mother because of her constant negative comments about my father. This also contributed to a power struggle between me and my mother when I was in high school which ended up with me running away from home. I also believe that this episode contributed to my two divorces and in particularly my second divorce.

My second divorce was after approximately 12 years of marriage. My ex wife was a very negative person, very much like my mother. After nine years of marriage and two children, the relation declined quickly. With the exception of the conception of my daughter, my ex wife and I were celibate for the last 6 years we were living in the same house. At the time I had resigned myself to staying together for the kids. It took another life event, the death of my step father, to wake me up. I realized at that time how depressed I was and decided to divorce. I believe that my parents divorce when I was so young, while very traumatic made it okay to consider it myself with children involved. My first marriage was very short and there were no children involved.

I tried very hard not to let my divorce become like my parents did. However, it became a long protracted battle over visitation which took three and a half years and caused damage to my children. I felt like my father had abandoned my brother and I, so I fought tooth and nail to get as much visitation as possible. Aside from the financial aspects of it, my trying to overcome an episode from my childhood cost my children dearly.

The last event, my being laid off from a company that I worked for over 22 years with, was a reversal of sorts. When my personal life was going terrible, my professional life was doing great. Awards and promotions were a regular event. As my personal life began to improve after my second divorce, my professional life took a nose dive. Coincidence, I do not think it was. Since being laid off, I have been in the most amazing relationship I have ever experienced, however my professional life is still in turmoil. I even went back to school in an attempt to improve my chances of regaining my success in the professional sense.

Because this even took place at the same time I was about to turn 40 years old, it added to the depressing notion that half my life was over. For a man, turning 40 is bad enough, but adding in that he has to start over professionally is devastating. The most fortunate thing was that my current partner was and is very supportive. You hear about middle aged men all the time who get laid off in mid life and go postal on their family. What causes someone to crack like that is hard to determine, but depression is a powerful force. Add in a bad childhood experience and that may help to explain some of what happens to some people.

As I look back on the three events mentioned, my parents divorce, my second divorce, and my being laid off are all at least somewhat connected. The trauma caused by my parents divorce made it okay for me to pursue what I thought would be the most beneficial route for me to follow in my divorce. But I ended up hurting my children as I was hurt as a child. Also, my divorce was so protracted that it spilled over into my ability to function at work, which may have contributed to my being laid off. What is amazing to me is that something that happens when you are in the early stages of development, both physical and cognitive, can affect you for a life time. However, because