How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People gives several proven methods and examples on how to succeed in a business world where it is not what you know all the time but who you know. The book's chapters are comprised of how to handle people, how to be a successful leader, and how to win people to your way of thinking. The preface provides several ideas and suggestions that will help the reader get the most out the book. The author suggests that the reader keep an open mind, and also suggest some other reading materials that will also help.

The first chapter deals with how to handle people successfully. In this chapter it highlights one of the most important things you can do when dealing with people and their particular situation is to rationalize with them, meaning that to better understand were the person is coming from you must put yourself in their shoes. Every one can and will rationalize why they make the decisions they make. People like the infamous Al Capone never thought he was a bad person. He had rationalized the actions he took and the decisions he made. This is a good example to lead into the first principle, which is that no one should ever critize, complain, or condemn other people. Principe two suggests that you always give people or sincere appreciation. You shouldn't sit and think about your own individual accomplishments and successes, but compliment others on their successes. The most important thing that others can give is their genuine appreciation. That is the key to getting what you want, threatening people by force or harsh words, but to get others to do what you want is to give them what they want; appreciation for their deeds. Principle three explains that most people do not care what you want. They care mostly for themselves and are not really interested in what you want. The key is to expose them on how what you want will also benefit them; it establishes eagerness and willingness in the other people. A good example of this is fishing, you don't bait the hook with what you want to eat, you bait the hook with what the fish want. Again, thinking from the other side's perspective.

The second part of the book discusses ways on how to get people to like you. The first step is to become genuinely interested in them. People are more apt to like you if they feel admired by you. One must instill a sense of fondness. ( "Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living. A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, a canary has to sing, but a dog makes his living by giving nothing but love."---Dale Carnegie) Dogs are man's best friend for this reason, they never criticize or complain, they are always affectionate and enthused. The next principle is not to speak about yourself or your own accomplishments. People do not care about others successes they feel threatened. Get people to talk about themselves, this will help you attain a sense of interest and admiration that will aid you in dealing with people. ( " you can get more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to make them interested in you." ----Dale Carnegie) The second principle in this section of the book is the power of the smile. The smile can do wonders for you. A smile says that you are happy to see someone, and that these people make you feel good. Actions speak louder than words and are more effective. Another important thing dealing with getting people to like you is recognition of their uniqueness. You can achieve this by simply using the person's name. People like to hear their own names; to them it is the best sound in the world. Most people do not realize it but by just remembering a person's first same you are actually paying them a compliment. A person's name sets them apart from everyone else, it makes them feel unique. The fourth principle requires you to listen. Listening to people makes them feel important and that you are interested in them. One thing to always keep in mind is that in general people only care about themselves one-hundred percent of the time. A person is more worried about their own problems than anything else in the world. If you listen to people you will be embraced and liked. The fifth principle says that you should talk in the terms of the person's interest. For example if you are talking to someone who you know happens to enjoy old cars you should try and facilitate the conversation around that. If you talk to people about what they want to hear they will pay attention for hours. The important thing is to keep their interest without talking too much. The last principle in section two relates to the previous principle of admiration. Dale suggests that you indirectly refer to the person of being more important than you, for example make them think that their job is of greater importance than yours. Make the person feel important and admired, more importantly do it sincerely.

Section three deals with how to win people over to your way of thinking. The first principle in this section is the only way to get out of an argument is to avoid it. Listen to what the person is saying and then try to rationalize their situation and objectively and most important offer an unbiased solution to the problem. Principle two is to show respect for other people's opinion. Never ever tell them that they are wrong and you are right. This instills a sense of unwanted competition and may cause people to strike back. No matter how much you argue and whether or not you know that you are right, do not argue. Arguing with some one insults their intelligence and will get you no where. People do not think they are right, they know they are right. A crucial element in avoiding a argument is to offer your opinion calmly and also admit that you yourself could be wrong. This makes the other person feel less threatened and his or her pride is not jeopardized. Approach the issue together, examine all the facts; this allows for the other persons to take the easy way out in admitting that they might be wrong. The third principle in this section states, if you are wrong admit it quickly and empathically. People will respect you if you can admit it when you are wrong. It is also important to ridicule yourself and judge yourself harshly, especially around other people. People will respond warmly and with encouragement. By admitting yourself wrong you can turn a potentially harsh lecture into a speech of praise. Principle four establishes that if you absolutely can not avoid an argument, then try to approach it in a friendly way. Again this makes the others feel less threatened and they are more willing to change