Strengthening the Family

"If each spouse is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love ... will grow" (Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage and Divorce [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, Co., 1976], p. 23).

* Do I acknowledge myself and my companion as persons of worth and value (see Ephesians 5:28-29)?

* Am I willing to see my partner as my best friend?

* Am I willing to put the interest of my marriage and partner first?

* Do I see how my selfish acts hurt my spouse?

President Ezra Taft Benson gave husbands the following counsel:

"Once you determine that a high priority in your life is to see that your wife and your children are happy, then you will do all in your power to do so. I am not just speaking of satisfying material desires, but of filling other vital needs such as appreciation, compliments, comforting, encouraging, listening, and giving love and affection." (In Conference Report, Apr. 1981, p. 47; or Ensign, May 1981, p. 34.)

Linda's Change of Heart

Linda was suffering in an unloving marriage. When asked to name one good quality her husband possessed, she resisted. It seemed ridiculous to her that any good thing remained in her husband. She was pressed to think of something.

Finally, she thought of one positive trait and then another. She began to soften her heart toward her husband. She knew he was not perfect, but she no longer condemned him. Rather, she turned her heart to him, and her suffering decreased. She saw that by her own hardness of heart she had unknowingly helped promote much of their contention.

"A marriage may not always be even and incident-less, but it can be one of great peace. A couple may have poverty, illness, disappointment, failures, and even death in the family, but even these will not rob them of their peace. The marriage can be successful so long as selfishness does not enter in." (Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage and Divorce, pp. 19-22.)

The Lord's Way Satan's Way

Love unfeigned--charity, caring for others' welfare despite any wrongdoing. Physical force--being hostile and unfairly using physical strength.

Acceptance--seeing others in eternal perspective, judging with compassion. Blame--condemning others' faults without compassion.

Integrity--being honest, a personal commitment to righteousness. Accusation--provoking guilt, reminding people of their mistakes to punish them and justify oneself.

Persuasion--teaching with compassion, kindly pointing out advantages and disadvantages of situations. Intimidation--ruling by fear because others are afraid of one's power.

Gentleness--soft, not treating others harshly. Threat--expressing an intent to physically or emotionally harm someone.

Trust--lovingly allowing others to exercise their agency to choose right or wrong and to accept the consequences. Pride--self-righteously preaching moral truths and condemning others.

Responsibility--acknowledging and assuming your role in any situation including repenting for past wrongdoing. Self-centeredness--refusing to accept responsibility for your actions.

Meekness--humility, uncomplaining, and teachable Haughtiness--being unteachable, proud, and pessimistic.

Richard Repents

Richard had been searching for a late night snack and found an uneaten sweet roll in the bread drawer. After having the roll and a cold glass of milk, he went satisfied to bed. About 7:15 A.M., the quiet morning was interrupted by the obviously irritated voice of his four-year-old daughter: "Who ate my roll?"

"I did, sweetheart," Richard answered. "I'm sorry; I didn't know it was yours."

She appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, one hand on her little hip. Richard humbly said, "Next time, I'll ask, okay?"

"Okay," she replied forgivingly, "but don't forget!"

That afternoon, Richard brought home another sweet roll for his little daughter. His repentance taught more than the value of honesty; Richard's daughter also learned that her father respected her rights.

In resolving conflicts