Suck a Dack

Gosh, we haven't heard much from God lately, have we? I'm wondering why that is.

His mouthpieces in America - who always seem so sure of themselves, so sure that they alone hear God speaking, and so willing to share His wisdom with the rest of us - have gone strangely quiet of late.

Remember when 9/11 happened and Jerry Falwell put it all into perspective for us? There we were thinking it had something to do with Islamic fundamentalism or US imperialism or something, but Falwell set us all straight, saying to Pat Robertson, "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

Mr. Falwell went on to thunder that it is these elements "which have attempted to secularize America, have removed our nation from its relationship with Christ on which it was founded. I therefore believe that that created an environment which possibly has caused God to lift the veil of protection which has allowed no one to attack America on our soil since 1812."

Okay, glad we got that straightened out. But it's breathtaking, isn't it, to think of People For the American Way being behind 9/11? So it was Norman Lear all along, not Osama!

This kinda stuff goes on all the time, of course, and George W. Bush as well as legions of his followers believe that he was anointed by God to rule America and the world. To the extent they even think about it, they are startled to learn that others, particularly in the Mid-East, have somehow missed the joy and glory of their grand vision. One of my personal favorites in this all too rich vein is the Middle East peace prescription offered by Billy's son, Franklin Graham, suggesting that Muslims and Jews should simply try "surrendering their lives to the Lord Jesus Christ and having their hearts changed by the Holy Spirit." It all seems so simple when you think of it that way. Hey, why can't we get talent like that in the State Department?

Like I said, this stuff goes on all the time. Franklin once inadvertently sent me a fundraising letter which began with the line "Our God is